Weak?

Tears left unshed
turn to poison
in the ducts.

Alice Walker (1944 - )
U.S. novelist and poet.

Men are stereotyped as the macho, not-supposed-to-cry human species. Usually one hears remarks like "You are not supposed to cry, you are a man!" It was like, for me, saying that to cry is not manly. I beg to disagree.

While most men are not willing to express pain in tears, it could help them ease the weight they are concealing. To cry does not mean that one man hurt more than the others did. To cry is just expressing how a man perceive the pain to be.

Crying is a sign of weakness? No, it could be an aid to healthy living.

If women can fight against disease by crying, then men are supposed to let go and cry even for once. How does crying help then? Let us consider the tears. Tears secreted by the lachrymal gland wash away germs and other small objects that may enter the lid area of the eye. Tears also contain a protein that kills certain germs. (Human Disease, © 1993-2003 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.)

Aside from the benefit we gain from tears, crying relieves stress-related disorders. Stress-related disorders include hypertension (high blood pressure), headaches, back pain, skin disorders, irritable bowel syndrome, and ulcers. Stress is also believed to contribute to coronary heart disease (atherosclerosis, or narrowing of the heart’s arteries) and some cases of cancer. (Stress-Related Disorders, © 1993-2003 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.)

Man, I am not saying you cry instantly when waiting patiently in line, or when you are caught in a traffic jam, or when you are in a crowded place and you can not move fast! I am saying express your pain willingly through tears when negative events come along. Why will you conceal the pain from the death of a loved one? Why will you pretend it does not affect you when a relation failed? Why not weep because of a major injury or illness? It is okay to cry. Men and women are allowed to. No exception.

It does not diminish a man’s virility if he cries once in a while. It does not downgrade a man to a lesser human being. Cry if you want to, in the confines of a room, or in the open. It strengthens a man no less than a woman.

But I must forewarn you. Do not drown yourself – to depression.

To read more about CRYING:

1. Why We Laugh and Cry
2. Toxic Tears: how crying keeps you healthy
3. Tears

The Unrest

It had been a week of disturbance, it is, in the workplace that brought apprehension to everybody. An anonymous letter was sent to the President of the company where I am currently working. It mentioned specifically some people who were then summoned to his office. That was big news, and still the topic in progress to date.

The people who were called got a ‘whipping’ for sure. What the real story was behind closed doors, nobody knows. Those three were the only ones who knew exactly the issues against them that were raised in that anonymous letter. Though a subsequent meeting with VP-PO was conducted, wherein according to a rat each of those unscrupulous supervisors were again lambasted. This is to be expected because the VP-PO was also lambasted.

Those people upset by the turn of events, and who believed superficially that they were untouchables, have been trying to get even with those they expect as the unnamed writer. With the chitchats that have been going on in the workplace, it is very obvious that they are the source. Luckily (and this is with a laugh), I am included in the list of suspects, and later, form another rat, currently the number one in the list because all evidence point to me (that is according to them). And what are the evidences? The mere mention that the writer is intelligent? I have to rejoice then with the fact that they perceive me as intelligent. That the writer mentioned in details the anomalies being done? This amuses me because the details that were being circulated are things I am not privy of. They reach my ears as second hand buzz though there were occasions that I witness some irregularities.

Looking for the identity of the unnamed writer, those people spread poison in the work area. Instead of reflecting on the ill deeds they committed and reforming, they are at present setting up plans to ruin those that they suspect, with their venomous tongues. I was just thinking when do these people learn?

Am I the least bothered? I am not. If my name is being dragged with this issue, I gladly welcome it because the writer wrote anonymously. That for me is noble. He wrote not asking anything to benefit himself. I admire him because the fad in this company is you snitch and you will be granted a favor, say a raise, or you will be lent how much money you want. Do I let these affect myself? Definitely no. The only thing that could affect me is if I lose a friend because of these, or if the continuity of my work will be hampered with the viciousness of these people.

How I wish I were the one who wrote the letter. If there were only no blabs that were paid attention in exchange for money or a favor, I would gladly do so, even with my name on it. If only there were no instances those vicious individuals and their tales were welcomed, I would give it a try. But the thing is, I saw no hope in the attempt, and did not expect that such action would merit the attention of the President. Also, the influences of those around him would dampen anybody’s dare to enumerate all the irregularities in the company.

Sufficed with the initial results that everybody (including me) became aware that focus should always be on each other’s work, I smiled at the thoughts how the incident caused that much hullabaloo - it was like show biz.

Heto Na Naman Kami...

Hay, naku, ang aking mga anak, heto na naman kami. Bumalik na naman ang mga sumusunod na senaryo:

a. mga notebook at iba pang gamit sa eskuwela na iniiwan lamang sa center table sa sala

b. mga sapatos na iniiwan lang sa ilalim ng sofa

c. mga hanger na nagkalat sa sahig ng room nila

d. mga procrastination habits na hindi maiwasan

‘Yan pa lang naman. Pero tiyak na tiyak habang tumatagal ang school days, marami pa akong mapapansin. Mangangaral na naman na para bang hindi pinapakinggan kasi inuulit-ulit ang mga pangit na gawi at gawain.

Noong isang gabi nga, napagsabihan ko si Kay tungkol na naman sa tele-babad. Inulit ko na naman na hindi dapat magtagal ng isang oras o higit pa ang pakikipag-usap sa telepono sa mga araw na may pasok sa eskwela. Inoobserbahan ko ngayon.

Noong minsan din, umuwi si Daryl, 17 out of 20 daw ang score niya sa quiz sa isang subject. “Me quiz kayo? E, ni hindi kita nakitang nag-review, a!” Sabi ni Papsie, “E, kelangan pa ba mag-review? Di ba, anak?” sabay tawa nung dalawa. Pinagkaisahan pa ako. Si Papsie kasi talaga complacent palagi.

Talaga naman – ang maging isang ina. Punung-puno ng challenge. Sa anak mo pa lamang, e, lumalabas na ang mga natural juices mo paano mo maharap ang mga eksena.

Marketing Strategies That Stink

An advise to the marketing arms of certain companies – Teach the word HONESTY to your marketing and sales people.

I understand that marketers are trained to develop strategies to persuade buyers or customers to BUY, aside from educating them and enhancing their satisfaction to the product. I understand, too, that marketing together with its sales promotion are tools to spur sales volume. But they should do it with HONESTY. Once a buyer or a customer smells trickery and deception, he can’t be persuaded to buy.

Papsie and I became victims of the marketing strategy of a pre-need company. The free umbrella and a chance to win Honda Jazz, or consolation prizes of cash money from P 500 to P 5000 pesos lured us. It would only take 30-45 minutes for us to listen to their product intro, so they say. We were so enamored with the idea of a Honda Jazz (Foolish Dan and Bing? Ah, yes, anyway it comes only once in a while) so off we go to their venue which we thought was just nearby. It was not and it ate the 10 minutes of going upstairs (I couldn’t even remember if it is 2nd or 3rd floor of SM department store). The moment we landed on their office, I was not feeling okay because waiting for both of us to be called inside was eating up again our time. Another 10 minutes. We were served a glass of tea each.

It turned out to be a direct selling of a pre-need plan (in the form of savings), not a product intro. In fairness, the sales person was adept and knows her way out to every clever question Papsie tossed. But she ate away our time and the persuasion lasted until almost an hour contrary to the statement the first marketer told us that it would only last 30-45 minutes. I could have given in to the sweetness of the offer (because it was SO AFFORDABLE) but exasperation overcame my interest. She had repeatedly mentioned that she was not forcing us to buy but she could not help herself repeating the whole marketing and persuading Papsie to sit and stay for a minute more. I felt Papsie’s irritation when the salesperson desperately told us that “E, paano naman kung masunog ang mga paupahan nyo? Na ‘wag naman sana. Saan kayo pupunta? While if you have savings, meron pa kayong mapupuntahan kahit pa’no.” Papsie knocked on the table very hard as if opposing the evil wishful thinking of that person.
I was not talking anymore, nor conceiving anything from what she’s saying. My mind was hovering and Papsie’s head was like bloating (and he even told that salesperson). He called up Kay and told her not to worry because we will be home soon. It is a good thing that my kids have that presence of mind to choose tuna in can as their viand for the evening.

The persuasion ended (thank God!). We got two umbrellas and not a Honda Jazz or any from the consolation prizes. But we got two raffle stubs which will be drawn (I don’t know when) and the winner will get a house-and-lot. We couldn’t care less anymore. We want to go home. We were laughing at ourselves how we got entangled with the mess of being there and tricked. Anyway, they did not succeed. We went home with the umbrellas and a very nice photo of Dan and Bing. I did ask that sales person to give me the photo. With a riled gesture, she consented. That was the only time she made sense.

Heto Na Naman Kami...

Hay, naku, ang aking mga anak, heto na naman kami. Bumalik na naman ang mga sumusunod na senaryo:a. mga notebook at iba pang gamit sa eskuwela na iniiwan lamang sa center table sa sala
b. mga sapatos na iniiwan lang sa ilalim ng sofa
c. mga hanger na nagkalat sa sahig ng room nila
d. mga procrastination habits na hindi maiwasan

‘Yan pa lang naman. Pero tiyak na tiyak habang tumatagal ang school days, marami pa akong mapapansin. Mangangaral na naman na para bang hindi pinapakinggan kasi inuulit-ulit ang mga pangit na gawi at gawain.

Noong isang gabi nga, napagsabihan ko si Kay tungkol na naman sa tele-babad. Inulit ko na naman na hindi dapat magtagal ng isang oras o higit pa ang pakikipag-usap sa telepono sa mga araw na may pasok sa eskwela. Inoobserbahan ko ngayon.

Noong minsan din, umuwi si Daryl, 17 out of 20 daw ang score niya sa quiz sa isang subject. “Me quiz kayo? E, ni hindi kita nakitang nag-review, a!” Sabi ni Papsie, “E, kelangan pa ba mag-review? Di ba, anak?” sabay tawa nung dalawa. Pinagkaisahan pa ako. Si Papsie kasi talaga complacent palagi.

Talaga naman – ang maging isang ina. Punung-puno ng challenge. Sa anak mo pa lamang, e, lumalabas na ang mga natural juices mo paano mo maharap ang mga eksena.

THE ABLE DISABLED WHO DESERVES A FATHER'S DAY TREAT

(after lunch time with Han Pao crispy chicken and noodle feast, and especial miswa soup with squid balls, pork, chili leaves and carrots – yummy!)

Disability disables an individual to participate in life’s activities on equal grounds. It limits opportunities to self-development, exploration, and success.

Not so much now with Papsie (what I fondly call hubby). His disability caused by stroke paralyzing the left part of his body does not hinder him to be a

• 
  faithful, (to wife, to kids and to his friends)
  approachable, (always ready to listen and be a friend)
  trustworthy, (secrets are sacred to him)
  humble, (he said this is not true to him LOL but I believe otherwise)
  encouraging and (kaya mo yan, ikaw pa!)
  responsible (even with his present condition)

person loved or adored by many. He had overcome melancholy with thoughts of his two children. You will hear him say, "I don’t need to get well from my disability, I need to live for my kids."

Perhaps this seemingly jolly man had almost conquered despair already. The stroke, which had damaged the part of his brain that controls motor skills, had caused him tear-filled nights before. It had accorded him self-pity beyond words and had laid before him a life that looked like meaningless.

But time healed the wounds. With our love, we let him feel that he makes a difference in our lives. His love and attention are incomparable. Well, some others would say that he ought to be good because of his condition, and the reverse could be if he is as physically normal. I doubt it. He is a good man ever since – a man with vision and principles – that it was impossible for me to ignore.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY, PAPSIE!!!!!!

A letter from Daryl –

Dear Papa,

Happy Father’s Day! This is your day, Pa. Thank you for all the sacrifices that you made for us. Thank you that you cook my breakfast every morning. Thank you for the guidance that you gave me. And please forgive me if I sometimes get into your nerves. You should be proud of yourself, Pa. You did not let your disability to hinder you from doing things normal people do. Heck, you can even drive better than an average man. You have lots of diskarte.

Always have faith in the Lord. You may no longer be able to move normally, but God has given you much more - a beautiful and smart wife, and two great kids. What more can you ask? And I think that if you did not get sick, you nay have not spent more time with us. And again pa, Happy Father’s Day!

Love,

Daryl

A letter from Kay –

Dear Papa,

Happy father’s day! Pa, di ko na papahabain pa, I just want you to know that I’d rather have you with your condition than not be able to spend a day without you. I won’t exchange you for anything else. I’m happy and pleased… I love you so much! God Bless you!

Your beautiful daughter,
Kay

A Woman's Worth

Tête-a- tête, one night…

“’Know what, Honey?”

“What?”

“Love the sparkle in your eyes…”

“Hmm… and what do you see? Tell me.”

“It’s telling me – ‘Please take me now to bed!”

(Laughs quietly) “And how would you know that?”

“I told you, I could read your mind.”

(She curls up and puts her head on his chest.)

“Why do you smell so nice? Not a night without that pleasant smell.”

“… Yours for the taking.”

“Let’s go to bed, now.”

“With a please, please.”

“Please…”


A woman knows how to please if a man knows her worth. No woman could be so hesitant to give all she can give if a man loves her tenderly and makes her feel wanted, appreciated and loved.

Like men, women wanted to be pleased, too. The marriage bed is an arena of love – even wild love, depending on how each pair want love to be spent. There is no reason to be ashamed of what fashion or style is to be spent, or how each pair will express what each one has within. The tenderness of each moment is dinned in a woman’s heart and mind – always.

A real man cannot just deny a real woman’s worth – excerpt from a song performed by Alicia Keys.

The Desire to Scratch

Itch. Depending on the usage, itch can mean a feeling of wanting to scratch, or a longing for something, or an itchy skin disorder. All three meanings can be summed up into one – the desire to scratch.

I am not a medical expert to discuss skin disorders like pruritus. I am about to share my two cents worth on the other itch – the seven-year itch. I think people my age, or people who are into successful long time marriages, can speak of it. Why? Perhaps the adage “experience is the best teacher” is true. Though a long-term relationship cannot be a basis to say that the marriage is successful.

This post is not saying, “Talk about your own experiences”. This is not telling that this is about me, or any particular person. This is about a reality that there is an instance that some couples get twitchy at times because of an ‘itch to scratch’. But it is not fair to single out men as the only ones who are guilty. Women can fall into such kind of trap also because of the many factors. Once again, I am not throwing people off because of this post.

Seven-year itch, actually, is a superstition, that says “A couple gets romantically restless after seven years of marriage.” While Encarta Dictionary (2004) has an informal meaning that it is an inclination toward sexual infidelity, popularly believed to begin after seven years of marriage. For me, since it is a superstition, then it is irrational. I could agree that seven-year itch could be synonymous (or more of a symbolism) to inclination toward sexual infidelity after several years of marriage.

The question “Why?” often accompanies certain circumstances that require reason, purpose or the cause. So, there will be a question to ask here – “Why would a married man or woman be motivated to sexual infidelity?” There are a LOT of reasons, purposes, or causes. But after asking the ‘why’ we must ask ‘what’. What would be best to avoid, and to stop the itch?

Couples consist of two different people linked by what is common to them. There are similar things that they both wanted to do. But there are also things that they do not agree with. Once these things are given more attention, one of them would attempt to find them from another individual that suits their fancies. Couples should realize the fact that there are a number reasons why they are together, and why they do get attracted to another. If selfishness gets in the way, one would surely go astray. If differences prevailed more than what was initially agreed to be a couple, then they should try to settle things first. I think it is not reasonable to hurl your partner’s lack on his/her face once you get involved with another. Settle things, then if it cannot be avoided or remedied, part peacefully, but do not indulge yourself with the sweetness of sexual infidelity while still in the relationship.

Experts say that a persistent itch may be a symptom of some systemic disease, such as a liver disorder. Likewise, tendency to give in to a seven-year itch could be a symptom of a deeper problem – like a wanting for self-worth, or a lack of self-realization. Just a hunch.

Diversities

Filling the blanks during a recitation in Teacher Sol's class...

It's good when u have... food on the table to eat. A menu doesn’t have to be world-class, it has to fill a hungry stomach.
The best part of love is... to feel that each other is the reason for living, as John Nash (A Beautiful Mind) said, " you are all the reasons…
"Step out of... an unlikely situation fast! It would be hard to get out of it."
I had a sly smile when... I was reminded of the wild but romantic nights!
Turn it on and... let’s watch Constantine?? Is it the original copy?
Don't mess with my... private life – it is my life, you are allowed to enter it with permission!
I love the way I feel when... I’m c***ng. Ha ha guess…
There were lots of... bad than good people then and nowadays, especially in the Philippines! he he
The moment I laid eyes on... my babies when they were born made me ecstatic.
Lying on the operating table of the delivery room... is completely different than anything I've ever done!
It's best to... be famous or popular even for a short time! ha ha ha then regret it came because of unexpected and unsatisfactory end results???
When u find the right... answers to all the questions in life, please tell me and I’ll be there to share the wisdom and the knowledge you got.
Understanding the dos & dont's of... being a parent is like being able to repay your parents - lump sum.
The worst music I've heard... is that one from Chicosci – I can’t understand a word and the music sounded like NOISE! Well, anyway, it was a gift for Kay.
Large bold prints can seem... an identification of an imperious person or group – symbolic also to power, or hunger for power or recognition.

Remember these people who took time, and their distinctive answers, when I interviewed them.

on J. Angelo Racoma
What do you plan to do when you retire as an economist/IT exec? Will you focus more on writing?
Yes, I will probably focus more on writing and photography. Hopefully by that time, I'll have enough resources to finance for better photo equipment. (click here for more )
on Janette Toral
In your own opinion, what makes a woman ‘complete’?
A woman is complete if she is in control of herself - able to control her response to various situations and in dealing with vices. (click here for more)

on Maria Lourdes Solivia Angala
If the president of the Philippines will ask you how to make the excellent teachers stay, what would be your answer?
The efforts of these excellent teachers should be recognized and rewarded. (click here for more)
on Major Tom
Expound on being a Y.B. Masdal.
“Y” is for Yusop and “B” is for Bandaying which respectively are my first name and middle name. (click here for more )

I could have wished for more participants but these people COMPLETE the day. Ain't it a diversified mix of folks?

"I Hear You"

It had been weeks that it seemed I was partially deaf. The ringing in my right ear became consistent and higher in volume. I was not even myself - silently irritable, anxious, and ineffective. I hate asking what somebody had uttered but I had to ask what was it that he or she said – because I cannot hear audibly.

When I felt that it’s becoming worse, I asked Papsie that we go to Doc Rico, his otolaryngologist cousin. It was feeling like a lump inside was growing into a larger lump, the inside becoming more itchy, and the ringing won’t end. The fact that I have to repeat what the people around me were saying added to the problem.

Doc Rico told me that I have a fungus inside my ear. A fungus??? Did I hear it right? And I heard it right, though faintly. I was told to buy an eardrop for the fungus and I had to make an appointment with him in his clinic at the Philippine Heart Center, which was yesterday afternoon. Today, I felt relieved – I AM NOT DEAF! What seemed to be a lump inside my ear was a black and green tissue (the fungus) which had grown inside my ear. The cause – my frequent (which was almost everyday, sometimes twice a day) cleaning with cotton buds. Doc Rico emphasized yesterday that cleaning of the ear should be done once a week, and only the outer ear.

When that tissue was gone, a feeling like a bubble popped off, welcoming the clear voice of the otolaryngologist, when he asked, “How does it feel now?” I smiled, felt like yelping with joy, and told him, “Wow, I hear you! Loud and clear.”

I am sure that there are other people who are like me – ignoring the fact that the ear is one important and delicate organ of the body. It should be treated with care. It pays to remember that acute ear diseases could cause not only partial deafness, but also TOTAL deafness. If only I learned my lesson well the first time that my left ear had trouble hearing also. Doc Rico had to make a surgical incision then to drain my ear of the slight effusion caused by the infection on my left ear.

Daryl asked, “Do you hear me clearly now, Ma?” “Yes, I hear you.” smiling with relief.

Practice Makes Perfect?

This is a cliché Malay pointed out as erroneous one time he was conversing with Kay. To him, there is nothing perfect. In any work of art, there is always that lack - in beauty, in craftmanship, or in organization. I agree with what he says that practice makes ALMOST perfect. That is a more realistic expression.

The important value Kay learned was that she has to practice her drawing skills everyday or that she has to be consistent in developing her skills with constant practice. She had taken the advise by heart. Almost everyday from that day, she comes up with little, wonderful pieces of drawing. At present, finishing a work of art is so easy for her. It only takes a short while, as compared to others her age, to create a concept with her hands. (You can see some of her drawings in Ang Aking si Kay blog site.)

Kay also learned the value of work. Last school year, she earned a lot from the artworks her classmates had asked her to complete for them. She enjoyed drawing and at the same time she enjoyed the fact that she was already earning. How she treasures the Candy magazines she acquired from her earnings.

Kay also learned the value of healthy competition. When she was a smaller kid, she finds it difficult to accept defeat. Being stubborn, or a strong willed lady, she would always argue, she would always criticize, and she would grimace at the thought of loosing. As she grows to puberty, there was change. It was evident last year when she landed only second in a major art competition in her school. She accepted it calmly (though there were mild objections to the decisions of the judges) and told herself that there will be a next time.

For me, I support the desires of her heart – be it the inclination to arts or to any creative activity she wants herself to indulge in. After all, it is not the material gain she will get from it that would matter but the happiness and the fulfillment she would reap. If a person is happy and fulfilled, he/she will strive to better himself and be of value to any career he/she would decide to go into.

Kay is my daughter, the eldest of the two intelligent, healthy and happy kids I have. I am proud of her who had learned the wisdom that practice makes almost perfect. Well… mommies are always proud of their kids, aren’t they?

Sleep

I envy you whose eyes are obliging enough to send you to deep slumber. You let your body lie down on the sofa, and in a short time, you are asleep, rocked to the world of sound sleep.

Me? Sleep is elusive. I have to read a book so that my eyelids will droop. I have to finish late night shows and engorge my head with all the TV scenes and talks so that my head will sway to sleep's lullaby. Or stay with the PC, bloghopping, or chatting, or surfing until my eyes hurt and my contacts wanting to pop out of my eyes.

Then I feel sleepy in the middle of work, or in the middle of a chore. Unwanted but wanted sleep that sneaks in unexpected moments. Then I sleep late and not as early as you sleep which is at past 9 in the evening or at past 2 in the afternoon. How I envy you.

Well, there are a few times I could make it. But those times you can count without being bored counting the times.

Hey, Kay, what is your secret? Kindly tell Mama.

May the Road Rise to Meet You

If given the choice to follow which road to traverse, most of us will surely choose the highways probably because they are built to the highest construction standards, they are high-speed roads that connect to major cities, they are much wider with two or more lanes, and they could take us fast to our destination.

In life, most of us also would probably choose the ‘highways’ – no hardships, no rest, no adversities. Destination is just an arm’s reach away. Who would not want to travel easy and fast anyway? BUT do we know of our destination, are we prepared adequately to what lies ahead of us, and can we cope up with the challenges when we reach our destination?

Traveling on the rural roads of our life, where design standards are relatively low, could not help us reach our destination fast. The roads are unpaved and dusty, and travel is slow. BUT this is where learning is, where we are renewed, and where we are tested. Then we are ready or prepared to face the challenges that awaits us in our destination. These roads make the journey worthwhile.

And though Lom-Dubh, the Raven, from the King of Sleep tells us not to worry about our destination and to just follow the road, listen to his plea – “Be patient.”