Life is a Blur Once Again

(should have been posted May 3, 2006)

My memory failed me once again. Yesterday, I forgot to carry back with me my eye contact solution which I brought to the office to wet the lenses during the day. I remembered it only when my eyes hurt while bloghopping last night. And then groping through my bag, and not finding my eyeglasses and eye contact solution, I decided to browse the net myopically.

It does not seem to be a normal day with a blurred vision. With a 550/600 vision, objects, structures and people are shapes and shadows dancing or moving. I recognize the shape but do not have the actual idea of the details. I can identify people but their faces are more like distorted shapes – the eyes are like big patches, the lips are like thick horizontal streaks, the nose like lumps of clay in the middle of the face, and the hair seems bushy. But it helps not knowing what emotion is registered. That is one advantage. People looked like zombies, not smiling or sulking. It is just ok, saving myself from whatever impression I read from face projections.

But in retrospect, I like to see the world with a clear vision. When I was wearing eyeglasses, friends told me to shift to contact lenses. (Many years after I decided to wear contact lenses.) I would often tell people who would tell me not to wear eyeglasses because I look better without them, “Di ka na maganda/gwapo pag wala akong salamin (You do not look pretty/handsome without my eyeglasses).” I just can’t be with a hazy world and I just can’t endure not seeing the details. It makes me feel insecure.

Life is not beautiful without clarity, I guess. Vagueness may tell otherwise. But for me, life should be encountered and taken in with its fine points.