WARNING: Topic is for adults.
A septuagenarian boss showed me today a cut portion of a magazine with this question. In it were four individuals who gave their candid answers. I find one of the answers as very funny.
"Yes, if both people are consenting adults. If Monica can do it with the President, why can’t the rest of the American public?”
My answer is yes, and no, depending on the situation. I am not playing safe here. It really depends. Like if your boss was your lover, or boyfriend, or husband, before you joined his company, then yes, you can have it with him. Or if the company does not give a sanction to an employee who gets involved with another employee, then yes, you can have it with any of your co-employee.
No, if one individual’s moral, religious, or spiritual, and even cultural (is there such a thing as cultural conviction?) conviction prevents him/her from doing it. Or if your company does not allow lovers in the office, then you have to think first before plunging into the bed with your officemate (unless you keep it a secret maybe).
But honestly, I don't know of any enforceable rule that has to be observed in relation to this. Can somebody save me from disgrace?
I am just wondering what on earth does the septuagenarian thinks while he was showing that (the survey) to me, and while I was keeping my breath, and preventing myself from inhaling, lest I would faint because of halitosis.
Oh, and a male friend answered, "Yes, if she is a woman." Trying to be funny, heh-heh.
Maybe your septuagenarian boss wants your opinion on this issue or he finds you irresistible! No offense meant! but with halitosis... oh my, i'll run! hehehe
ReplyDeletehmmm, a tricky question... If there's a company rules against having a relationship with co-employee, i'll not go for that, if not, hmmmm, definitely not with my boss. It's so awkward!
that old man is giving me the creeps. i'm bad, i know, but this is not the first time he'd uttered unpleasant words. sign of alzheimer's maybe. so i have to bear with him. and besides we dont stay young forever, we grow old, too.
ReplyDeleteawkward can also be an appropriate word for the situation, mmy-lei. dyahe talaga if one had it with an officemate. if that's just a one-night stand with the boss, that is more of scary than awkward. paano kung me lahi palang reporter ahahaha.
My answer is No. It jeopardizes the professional relationships. Couples are exempted, of course, and I don't think the question presupposes that, hence, the probable reason why your old boss showed it to you. Clever, but no cigar!
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of cigars, smoking is a frequent cause of halitosis. Is he a smoker?
All I can say is Thank God I'm not CEO of those french modelling agencies.
ReplyDeletedoc emer, no, he doesnt smoke but has many ailments.
ReplyDeleteha ha oo nga, 'no?, TK, you'd have probably immersed yourself in deep s**t ha ha
Hmm.. depends on what their agenda is (both parties). But I do know a bunch of employers having sex with their employees. It is the same the other way around, I know a couple of employees who charm their employers by sex. And a few companies where internal relationship is not allowed (unless the couple is already into a relationship before they were hired).
ReplyDelete^_^
Personally, no. Even if the other person shows a thousand proof that she's clean, secretive, single, etc. still a 'no'. No sex outside of marriage for me. ;)
hi, JC. No sex outside of marriage for me. very good!.. i forgot to add that my 'yes' answer is on the presumption that both employee and boss are not married.
ReplyDeletein other countries what mr septuagenarian did is considered bordering on sexual harrassment.
ReplyDeleteanyway back to the question at hand, my answer is definitely no. ayoko, pareho kaming lalaki eh. hahaha
Either the old man had too much idle time on his hands, or too much sex on his mind...
ReplyDeleteit can be classified as that, ku. but he is like that to most girls, at saka nakakaawa din.
ReplyDeletedi nga ba pwede kung parehong lalaki?? e kung lalakwe yung isa aha ha ha
both, single.. and he's already incapable of doing both, i bet.
the question is more focus on just having sex not really specifically pertaining to a commitment. i will only have sex with my boss if he happens to be my husband. other than that, he will never hit the first base.
ReplyDeleteA big NO (committed man ako o still single).
ReplyDeleteThough doing it with him might give me a boosting career coz he's my boss, still in the end it will ruin my profession and my dignity as his employee.
Empleyado ka na nga lang, pabababain mo pa ang sarili mo?
Of course a boss can do whatever he wants pero kahit tanggalin ka pa niya, at least buo pa rin ang respeto mo sa sarili.
no. because i remember the movie "disclosure" that might wreck my career and family. but if my boss is demi, well, the answer will still vary. :D
ReplyDeletehaha.
ReplyDeletei would do it if i would be given a chance. :) and the boss is kinda hot. haha.
-it's my alter-ego talking. :)
ay, yes, evi. for me kasi to have sex with somebody is to be involved, not necessarily committed, but at least two people has relationship . :-) but then i maybe wrong because there are those who have sex even without that bond.
ReplyDeleteyun ang dapat isipin, malaya, ang mga posibilidad in the future. and i havent known a boss who'd treated fairly an employee who had given in to his desires.
naughty alter-ego. :-P hope you're doing fine, ruff.
jepaperts, akala ko pa naman ayaw! yun naman pala'y may condition bwahaha
ReplyDeleteNo. It will affect your professional dealing with your boss (and your colleagues as well). There are a lot of prospects outside the office, why insist on having sex with the boss?
ReplyDeleteLooks the the septuagenarian was trying to pull a fast one!
ReplyDeleteAn affair with the boss be it a careless fling - a definite NO. It is a social taboo. In this part of the world it portends of a potential sexual harassment lawsuit and this can turn real ugly.
agree, nico. 'nga naman, no?
ReplyDeletehi, bw. he always attempts with most of the girls in the office. maybe he still thinks he can do it just like before. oh, wait, he havent had the chance to do it maybe because when he was younger, bantay sarado, they say.
social taboo - hmmm, like that phrase, very appropriate.
If I may add (this had been debated a lot in this part of the world), if the relationship turns into a lasting. illicit affair, one has to leave and continue the relationship outside the context of boss-subordinate relationship. Very likely the subordinate will find a job elsewhere. This will ensure that their professional careers are not derailed by ethical infractions.
ReplyDeleteMost companies here define nepotism within the confines of job functions, i.e., you are allowed to have a relative work in the same company as long as one does not perform performance evaluation, approve expense reports, makes work related decisions of the other. Having an affair with the secretary violates these rules. In the end, it is the executive's job that is at risk. History also showed that some enterprising women had exploited the situation and made money out of sexual harrasment case settlements. The Monica Lewinsky - Bill Clinton affair was a classic case.
If this septuagenarian owns his company, he can act like a dictator in his own terms without anybody challenging him.
Hi again, bw. thank God he does not own the company.
ReplyDeletei think in situations like boss-secretary, or boss-subordinate affair, it is just fair to give a weighty punishment to the boss. after all, they always have the edge. i dont know still of a case here in the Philippines where subordinates (women or men) had used the affair to make money out of it. there maybe but they do not become sensational as in countries where there are well-defined rules and policies regarding sexual harassment.
thank you for the info. ;-)
Having it with your boss might be good or bad depending on your performance. If a female boss are always sexually satisfied (assuming guilt factor is out) then everything will be smooth in the office. Just kidding.
ReplyDeleteSeriously speaking, it is not appropriate coz it will create some kind of "undue influence". See how "undue influence" was used against leaders or bosses. The classic example is Samson and Delilah (although not a boss/employee relationship).
The best rule to apply - the ten commandments (or is it the 11 commandments?).
eleven? kelan pa siya naging eleven, rolly?
ReplyDeletenaaliw naman ako sa 1st paragraph he he :-)
All in all, pre-existing relationships aside, no.
ReplyDeleteI'm currently working at a corporation where the division "boss" (a single, 30-something woman) -- evidently -- routinely has sexual interludes with her underlings and/or their acquaintances, or other "parallel track" employees, despite a company policy prohibiting it. I say "evidently" and "routinely" because, having been one such underling, she made me privvy to one or two of her sexual forays with other company employees...by name.
That's all well and good as far as one's principles admit of it. What IS NOT so good about it are the possible residual effects of carrying on so.
To whit:
In the course of my short affair with my boss, wining and sexing one another and we were, she also made me privvy to information about the company, it's managers, and her own family it just wasn't my business to know.
I'm talking salaries, bank and computer account passwords, strategic planning at the corporate level, her opinions of HER superiors, and so on.
In the glow of love-making and drinking, this boss forgot (or ignored) what should and shouldn't be shared with an underling, with whom she was only marginally acquainted.
To the extent a person is likely to disclose privileged and critical information to a lover (or one-night stand), I'd have to say that having sex with one's employees or co-workers is a definite no-no, and that those who engage in it are just expressing a self-destructive tendency for which they really should seek professional help.
FWIW.
your boss has a problem, whaywardj. as a word of advise, you should refrain from having it with her, or it would implicate you in some aspects, should the relationship gets worse.
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing your thoughts.
Do tell, Bingskee.
ReplyDeleteOnce I figured out her unconscious purpose was to do damage to herself and any who tried to be close to her, I closed that door. I've got enough of my own problems, thank you.
As far as my own career goes, she and hers are merely an interlude between contracts (see: http://hayward.cx.la). It really doesn't matter to me how any in her milieu may or may not implicate me in whatever.
I'd just like to leave her with a better awareness of herself than that in which I found her.
Although, I'm not married to that view, either. It's just that my principles oblige me to make that effort, at least, once.
In retrospect, what hangs my attention about her, is that she actually believed she was 'normal'. As if, how she behaved was how everyone behaved, and ought to.
Bizarre.
BTW, Bingskee,
ReplyDeleteJust tagged the link behind your sig and, yeah: I, too, REALLY have problem with people I care about having a problem.
I'm, only now, in my 56th year of life, getting that I can't always fix it and need to let such things go.
thanks for leaving a comment again, whaywardj. mine was purely out of concern about the possible consequences. and perhaps it's the culture that makes them believe it is normal.
ReplyDeleteif monica lewinsky can do it...why can't we...there is a very thin line between can & cannot...we may use it to our advantage though provided we can manage it...
ReplyDeletehi, anne. thanks for sharing your thoughts. using it as an advantage can bring more harm in the end. but that's just my personal opinion.
ReplyDeleteOy! I've succumed to the desire to bed my boss, in the worst way. Out with about 60 other co-workers, got hammered, luckily it was known he was my ride home, I don't think anyone has noticed - at least I haven't heard any gossip.
ReplyDeleteNot a thing in our work relationship has changed, not a bit.
What sucks, is that I am hoping for it to continue, but I don't know if it will....I don't want to have to say to my friends outside of work "I slept with my boss", rather, "I'm sleeping with my boss!!!!!"
well, could it be that the gossip hasnt reached you yet?
ReplyDeleteit is nice to know nothing had changed but i believe that you both are just cautious - you cant let such a thing ruin both your work (especially if it's a nice paying job) and whatever you have for each other.
if the boss is not committed, perhaps the relation has a chance to continue.
im single,18,woman and my boss is 35,married,2kids
ReplyDeletei started my job in february 2006
we we had sex in once in august,once in september,once in october,and i am meeting up with him in november.
we cant go to my house or his,coz the wife and kids!!!
i feel guilty and everyday at work is awkward!!
i would NOT recomend having an affair
i wish it never happind!
i hate myself for this!
hi, ash.. thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteam saddened by the fact that you are into this mess. guilt would surely be your reminder, not an enemy. i know you know this is not a good thing - to be having an affair with a married man. women, especially young women, should be smart to realize that this will not lead into something beneficial. please take this unsolicited advice as a concern void of intruding into your personal life.
I am a female boss and have been having sex with a male employee for over ten years. Both married to others. So far, no problems.
ReplyDeletejane, i'm speechless.
ReplyDelete"I am the boss of me!" and I have sex with myself! Left and right! and no guilt at all!
ReplyDeleteJacko all trades
LOL 'kaw talaga, noypetes... left and right ha.. jacko all trades ha...
ReplyDeleteWow, what an interesting topic. If a relationship forms between 2 single unattached adults regardless of what there postion in the company is, then I would say, go ahead. A career change or dept move or even a sacrifice to move to a different company might be necessary when the relationship goes out in the open.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, anything against the law of God is a No..no for me.
i agree with your points about the unattached adults. :-)
ReplyDeletethe culture in one's country, i believe has something to do with beliefs, i think, deb.
ReplyDeleteI do not agree with this view. Sexual purity is important. It damages the inner man if someone indulges in sex outside marriage.
ReplyDeletehmmm... i respect that, vince. know what? there was a time in Philippine history when girls have to be intact before marriage, that is she should be a virgin, undamaged and untouched by no one. quite similar to your view only that you speak about men.
ReplyDeletepersonally, i believe that it must be so.
not blessed here with goodlooking boss. sayang.
ReplyDeleteha ha :-) welcome aboard, sexcess.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very complecated issue. If you work with a good manager for a long time who cares about you and is always supportive, it is normal to have feelings for him. I am 30 and my boss is about 55. I know that he is also interested but he is married and doesnt want to start anything. But I feel that soon or late something will happen between us. I am in a relationship with my bofriend. Sometimes I think I love my boss. Please help me!
ReplyDeletehe is married, forget about him, fasi
ReplyDeleteI am 23, female, started a new job in august, just graduated college in may. my boss is a very handsome man, smart, confident, funny and optimistic. We share the same interests, hobbies, even sarcasm. We have a very good chemistry going as employer and employee, but lately it has become a bit intense. Oh, I forgot to mention, he's 43, married, and 3 kids. We have gone out for drinks after work with other co workers and I'm afraid the flirting is becoming pretty obvious. Its not my place to step in and intrude on his marriage, but My GOD does he want it! and the temptation is killing me. I love my job, but I also don't wanna lose it over 7 minutes of stupidity. Well, I need advise, for now, I won't touch, I just dont know how long thats going to last. :(
ReplyDeletethey all want it with beautiful, willing, and young girls, latina23. just think more of the consequences. are they worth that 7 minute stupidity? there are lots of men. try shifting your attention. :-D the more you entertain the thought, the more it becomes alluring.
ReplyDeleteMe and my boss playd around alot yesterday for the first time. i went down to his house for a coffee and to talk and the topics led to sex / sex toys, it went on 4 4hours in the end, he said he was going to make me orgasim once for every year of my life, im 18 hes 40.
ReplyDeleteHe said it was about teaching me a lesson about getting to know my own body.
We didnt have actual intercourse but we used toys in both holes of mine and made me wank / suck his balls and shove sex toys up his ass.
He was spankin me so hard i wanted to cry!
O m g it was so awkward at work 2day for me, he seems fine but i have to work with his wife as well, and every time i look at him i just imagne everything we did 2gether. i used to look up2 him so much and really respect him. but he was so creepy yesterday but the scary thing is i would be to worried to say no if he wanted to do it again
skyla. to wrap your story - he seduced you and you let him. you were never scared, you let it happen.
ReplyDeleteHi there! Been reading this posts since it started.... I do think that when you come across this situation, that is the only time that you will be able to say if it is right or wrong or if its a YES or a NO.
ReplyDeleteI used to condemn these things like the office romance as it can affect work ethics and the outside marriage affair as it can ruin families... and these happened to a very close relative of mine so I did condemn the fact!
But you can never tell... as it is starting to happen to me. And it is not leaning into the negative side. I do believe that what we have now is not only flirting but can lead to a serious one. The time may come that both of us would need to make a decision on which is not a JOKE! I have not slept with him and he has not asked....
I am attached to a partner for two years now and he is married for 18 years. He is a foreigner and married to a Filipina. Maybe that is the reason why he is so interested. I am located in a foreign country. He is not my immediate boss, he is the boss of my boss.
My point is, for those who condemn this... you guys have not been in our shoes... Yes it is good to give pieces of advise, but don't throw yourselves into saying NO and closing your doors as I know there will come a time that you will open them again....
well, i can agree that we really couldnt tell, obsessed, if we could be able to resist if it happens to us. but i hope that I, personally, will not stumble into a situation like this. i believe, too, that the moral values of a person play in making decisions.
ReplyDeletei am sorry to say but i think nobody's condemning anybody. if you read the thread, you will see that they just answered the question which is also the title. everybody, including me tried to be as objective as possible, discussing what could be better, and why they choose to answer it with a yes or no.
I guess I had a wrong interpretation. Well this has been a good sharing outlet for me though as this is P&C so I really can't just confide to anybody.
ReplyDeleteI am just enjoying and we'll see... No expectations and the good thing is we are far from each other so it is still a barrier for temptation di ba.... or maybe delay..... :-)
Thanks bingskee