The quality of your attention determines the quality of other people's thinking.
Nancy Kline
U.S. author.
This is so true.
Probably you and the other end are not on the same wavelength. Or the being was bored s/he wanted to sleep. Or there are other things in mind not parallel with each other. Or the whole exercise is boring.
Sometimes people around make it so obvious that what you talk about is uninteresting. Does that make you a boring person? Maybe yes, maybe no. It depends, actually.
Sometimes when people just agree, it makes you feel dull. A conversation does not have to be agreement all the time. But it is worse when you don’t get an answer at all. As the saying goes, “A good listener is not someone who has nothing to say.”
There was one person I remember who had boldly rebuked what I did and said. Of course, I defended myself, which is but natural to anybody being criticized. The conversation lasted smoothly and with me asking in the end, “Does that make me a bad person?” “Yes,” went the answer. I winced but bravely accepted the fact that I was at that time bad.
And there was this individual who thinks of self as Grade A, as in superlative, and you are left beholden to be a listener to the repetitive self-adulation. Uninteresting fool, and I was not entertained.
Is there ever an ideal conversation? I’d like to think that there is, even with the shortcomings of the other end. With wit and humor come the lasting thoughts of beautiful and unforgettable conversations.
I often find myself agreeing(while trying very hard not to yawn)to everything when I'm bored, in the hope that the conversation will end the soonest possible time without my being discourteous.
ReplyDeleteHey, are you listening, Bing? Or is that a yawn? LOL! :-D
how did you see it? am trying very hard he he for you not to see the... admiration? he he :-P
ReplyDeletei find myself staring at somebody without understanding anything s/he said. sometimes it is not because of boredom but there is something in my mind that suddenly appeared out of nowhere, or sometimes the thought was stimulated by something, in the middle of the conversation. 'tis really difficult to appear interested even if you're not, or to appear you understood, when you didnt get any of the things s/he said.
I have experienced numerous situations where I had to meet new people and start a conversation. I must say, there are topics that just bore me to death but I had to listen and nod in reponse to what the other person was saying.
ReplyDeleteMy mind just wanders off when I am not interested in the topic. It seems to automatically shut down. I guess that is the reason why I become so happy when I find myself in a stimulating conversation :D
very true, duke. when you are with the same wavelength with someone, and the topic is really stimulating, the conversation doesnt end. time is not enough always. :-)
ReplyDeleteI also do what snglguy does in times like these although I keep my darnest not to look bored ( But I think it shows no matter what). You know, if I think conversation partner had become bored with my talk, I just immediately excuse myself and pretend that i've got to do something. I always assume that maybe, a lot them does not really care about the things I say or believe in.
ReplyDeletebasta ang alam ko, konting-konti lang ang mga tao na boring talaga... usually, its the topic that bore me.. but it doesn't mean that i find the person boring... as i see it, we just don't share the same interest...
ReplyDeletein a way, it reminds me that when i'm talking to someone and he starts doing the "i'm bored face" it doesn't mean that i'm boring.. its just that he doesn't feel the same hype that i do.. hahaha!
It's easy to discern if a person gets distracted or uninterested with what I have to say. When this happens, I would butt out courteously and have no ill feelings. Sometimes people have problems to deal with and won't have time to concentrate on a conversation. Conversely, if I find the person boring, I would slip out in the same way - courteously.
ReplyDeleteYou can also discern an introverted person who wants to be left alone. Fine - he can have his monologues and I won't waste my time starting a conversation.
I am particulary unimpressed with people who tend to monopolize conversations to their own tune. They want to be heard but don't show any effort to listen when you talk.
Being a good listener isn't easy but is an admirable trait.
Women are especially impressed with men who are good listeners. Richard Gere's well known asset that women rave about, aside from his good looks is his being a great listener. Women think that he is very interested in everything they have to say. This trait seems to exude humility which is rarely found in a celebrity of his stature.
I prefer people who can converse as opposed to those who can't even express themselves. Of course I'm more of a listener, asking the other person a lot of questions. The fun part is when I get to play devil's advocate for the heck of it to see how well they think. ;-)
ReplyDeletehi, major tom. i sometimes find it hard to get out of a conversation especially when the person does not want to stop talking.
ReplyDeletevery right, too, din-din.
i had experienced a couple of times talking to someone who does not seem to be interested, bw. funny but when i try to leave or stop the conversation, that's the time they talk. ridiculous. there are only a few people i encountered who could talk and listen.
oh, you're wicked, banzai! but i have a friend who does that. :-)
My problem...I fall easily asleep! ;-)
ReplyDeleteOut of courtesy, either I excuse myself and leave, or I stay and ask a lot of questions; hence making it interesting for me.
ReplyDeletethere are dull listeners actually...
ReplyDeleteI prefer a simple straightforward conversation. When I'm bored, I tend to look away. And when there is silence, an idea would usually pop out from my mind. First, the smile. Then I followed it by starting a more interesting topic.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to be on the receiving line with a boring topic. I try to nod all the time and the most sensitive will take it from there. :)
ReplyDeletefall asleep in front of a conversation partner?? sidney, wake up! :-P
ReplyDeletethat's a nice way to make the conversation interesting, eric. i couldnt do that. when i get bored, it's difficult for me to think of questions and topic to deviate or make them interesting.
there are, monmon. and dull conversation partners, too.
i prefer one with wit and humor, lazarus. people tell me that i am not a serious chatter because of the jests in between. it's just my way of easing up.
then you'll end up with a neck pain or a stiff neck, ipanema. it is really hard to be in the middle of a boring conversation.
u hit the nail on the head tita bing when u said its a matter of wavelength. u have to be on the same page. i know for a fact that the lamest topic can become the most interesting of subject between two persons who are totally into each other. i can attest to that on a personal level. :-)
ReplyDeleteyes, or else you both end up bored and exhausted, jepoi.
ReplyDeleteIf I am with my own everyday people,(friends,family,work) and am bored with the conversation,I'll usually say that I'm bored/have no interest/input, and it's o.k. because they know I'm not trying to be offensive.But I don't know how to do with others who don't know me. I usually end up listening to anyone who feels the need to talk.Been that way all my life. My pet peeve is when everyone in the group feels their say is the most important/intersesting and everyone ends up talking louder and louder yet no one is hearing a thing anyone is saying! Way too much boggle for my mind. I quickly escape w/o caring if I'm being rude doing so.I liked the comment by "bw": "...I am particulary unimpressed with people who tend to monopolize conversations to their own tune. They want to be heard but don’t show any effort to listen when you talk"...--well put.
ReplyDeletehey, bleueyez. thanks for sharing a thought. guess it's easier to be vocal about how one feels with their family or close friends. they would not take it against you, though i dont know if this is true to all. yea, bw, is very right in saying that.
ReplyDelete