At 2:00 am of March 18, 2007, my mother expired. That is what the doctor told us. But I felt that she passed away more or less 30 minutes past because when I approached the bed at 1:30 am, she smelled like fragrant flowers were covering her from head to toe. Painful it was but I thank the Lord for answering my prayers not to let her suffer long, and not to give her the agony of lying in the hospital bed in pain for many days.
She was in coma, brain-dead, because of intracranial hemorrhage, for four days. I had asked the Lord to be merciful to her, to be gracious to her and give her peace, and to let her go forgiven. I felt it was a stupid thing to ask for her life back when it was only the respirator that was helping her to breathe.
It was painful for me and for everybody to see the agonizing picture of my mother in that condition – unconscious, in pain, limp, and with many tubes inserted in her. I cannot ask God to let her live in such agony, like a vegetable, supported with food via an NGT - an almost similar scenario when my father was in comatose for more than a month before he died. Why let her suffer when she had enough of it living with her favorite child?
The Lord gives life, but only He can take it back. I firmly believe it. If the doctor asked me to pull out the respirator tube, I think I will not do it. The Lord knows when He will take back the life He had let us borrow. After an 80/80 BP, it went abruptly to 50 palpatory. The ECG produced a flat line. And after crying loads of tears, and at the same time preventing myself from hysteria, the feeling was numb, very painful inside but numb.
Her death gave me a lot of things to ponder like I must live my life for others so that they will fondly remember me and give back the service to others as I have given them mine. I have to work and be useful and not be more of a burden. I have to communicate, and let others feel that I love and I care. Most of all, I have to be there when others need me.
There was a time that I thought why sometimes there is no choice for us. But always, I am reminded by what a friend said that all things work together for good. Don’t get me wrong. I am not jubilant but I am assured that God has a plan for each and everyone who believes. God is indeed a gracious God. He gives life, but He also takes it - for a reason, of course.
God bless your soul, Ma.
My deepest condolences, Bing. My thoughts are with you and your family.
ReplyDeletethank you, nico. couldnt find the words to describe the memory of her last days.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for you loss. My prayers are with you in this time of sorrow. Rejoice for your Ma is in a better place.
ReplyDeleteI hope this consoles you.
I can not find words, how i felt sad for you, my condolences,
ReplyDeletemy prayers
that is one good movie, leah. thank you very much.
ReplyDeletethanks a lot, techguy.
my sincere condolences Bing. I'll offer a prayer for your Mom.
ReplyDeleteMy sincere condolences and prayers. May her soul rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain, Bing. And I don't say it just for consolation but because I've been in that footstand before. Though not with my mother, but with people who equally have the same importance and relevance to my life, and are of course irreplaceable.
ReplyDeleteI wish words can say as much as we wanted to mean it. But words are words, and as limited as it is, I still want to get cross my deepest sympathy.
Hi Bingskee,
ReplyDeleteMy sincerest condolences to you and your family.
Hb00
thanks, verns.
ReplyDeletemay her soul rest in peace, rolly.
what is so sad, rey, i think i have fallen short. there's this feeling that I havent done enough for her. i am more close and open to my father but the pain is more now that she died.
thanks, hb00.
Sincerest condolences on the passing of your mom Bing. Looked like she was blessed with long life to see her grandchildren grow up which is already something that we have to be thankful for.
ReplyDeleteah.. yes, bw. my father only had a chance with Kay. he can be a very sweet and good grandpa.
ReplyDeleteJust like what Rey had said, I feel your pain as well. Don't feel bad about falling short for what you should have given your mom. Moms do understand their daughters shortcomings di ba? Love your children and I'm sure your mom will smile looking down from heaven and just kickback with your dad and say.."It's her turn now, and she'll do just fine". You, Papsie and the kids and all your grieving kinfolks, will be in our prayers.
ReplyDeletethank you very much, noypetes. :-)
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about it. I know how it feels to lose a parent. I'll be praying for your mom. I'm sure she's happy and comfortable where she is now.
ReplyDeletethanks, connie.
ReplyDeletei was far away when my father died in 2001. You're still lucky to be by your mother's side til her last breath. My heartfelt condolence Bing.......
ReplyDeleteOur sincere condolences and prayers tita Bing. She's with the Lord now.
ReplyDeleteMy sincerest condolences, Bing. Now I know why you haven't updated for a while.
ReplyDeleteWe were faced with the same situation with my Dad two years ago. Although he wasn't comatose, he was in a catatonic state. It was really the most trying time for the family...
actually, it has an impact being with her til her last breath, nao. there are still instances that her picture lying in the bed, limp and unconscious, with tubes, still flashes in my mind.
ReplyDeletethanks, ann and kd.
really trying, single. i thank God He had supplemented me with enough strength to be still and be there for everybody.
my condolences to you and your family's loss ms. bing. but, yes, i do believe that eveything that happens to us has a reason.
ReplyDeleteMy sincerest condolences, bing.
ReplyDeleteMay the Lord comfort you and your family in this time of mourning.
yes, vina. everything has a reason. thank you.
ReplyDeletelazarus, thanks.
Dear Bing,
ReplyDeleteOur deepest condolences. It's never easy but there are many people, your family and friends, who continue to love and support you.
Dean, Nikki and Sage Alfar
thank you very much, dean. i am thankful for those who were there to support and assist. and i am very thankful for all your prayers and sympathy.
ReplyDeleteMy sincere condolences bing. It was for he better that God took her away to end her agony. It's not easy to look at your loved one suffering with all artificial ways of prolonging life.
ReplyDeleteI'll include her in my prayers.
that's a very nice story, noypetes. all along i was thinking that he's a catholic because of that 'Mama Mary'. Clever. that is one of my favorite beatles song. :-)
ReplyDeletei believe it is for the better, ipanema. thank you.
My condolences, Bing. May God comfort you and your family in this time of great loss. I'll be praying for you. It's hard to lose a loved one.
ReplyDeleteFunerals do remind me of the temporal existence we have here on earth. Life is fleeting. Death is inevitable. And it's best for all of us to prepare for eternity.
All the best in your future plans to bless others with acts of kindness and generosity.
My sincere condolences and prayers Bing. I admire you for your courage and strength and most especially, your great hope in God while going through these hard times.
ReplyDeletehi, jayred. God is continually helping me to let go of that painful memory of her in that hospital bed. indeed life is fleeting. before i used to fear death but i am now more in fear of the situation if God would take my life back and my kids are not yet grown up to see for themselves. i hope He will also be merciful to me.
ReplyDeletethank you, toe. all praises to God almighty. He had provided me with what I need.
my sincere condolences ms bing....
ReplyDeletesalamat, melai.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your mother, Bing. But I think that she is in a better place now.
ReplyDeletethank you very much, irene.
ReplyDelete