It was this interesting post of Banzai Cat that had me thinking these past few days. What if one day my daughter goes home crying and telling that she is pregnant? I was once asked by a cousin doctor what I will do if something like this happens. I felt something inside me flared up. I was caught-off guard. She continued her query as if assessing my character, “Would you still support her?”
Without thinking, and flaring, I told her, “I had this clear to them: What happens to your life is your decision. Life is a matter of choice. So, if you choose to get pregnant, or impregnate a girl, then by all means, do it and stick by it. But you won’t be going to school, everything stops.”
My cousin doctor argued, “But, Ate Bing, you will put her/him in deeper shit. How will he/she recover from it all?” After a few seconds, I admitted that, of course, you cannot really abandon your children in such situations. You will always be a mother, or a parent in that case, who will always be there to support no matter what. But you don’t tell them that. Or else it would really be easy for them to do all the things they wanted to do, including getting pregnant, or impregnating a girlfriend.
So here is my question, would you still support your child in a situation like this? How would you do it?
I honestly don't know how I'll react to a parent's worst nightmare, since I don't have any of my own, yet. But I suppose any parent would be forgiven if they flare up. After all, they scrimped and worked hard to send their children to school to ensure a good future for them. And they have every right to expect the same hard work (in school) from their children...
ReplyDeleteano ka ba naman Bing? normal yong magalit ka sa umpisa pero to deny them education/huwag naman/ di ba nagmahal ka rin!
ReplyDeleteI do not know how would I act if one day my child tells me that he impregnated a girl and all that jazz. I guess I would flare up, but of course, I will still care for him. Only that I will make him understand whatever has happened, happened and he has to bear the consequences.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I think we can curb this problem by teaching them values at young age, for example, pre-marital sex is not a wrong thing but when they choose to do it, always take precaution and practice it the safe way.
Hmmm ... My answers are a little bit d'oh but I guess I'm still not a parent --- yet.
[:
It depends on how old my child is? If they can support themselves, then truly, I will leave them to decide what is best and be a support nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteIf it happens when she is still in her teens, i would be there for her no matter what she decides to do. A mother, a parent, an advisor and anything else in between.
Actually I have a lot of experience with teenage pregnancy. I have seen their deliveries and recoveries in my endless duties.
ReplyDeleteuhm... it isn't really a big deal to me now as much as it was years back. Life is really like that... but if ever my daughter get pregnant out of wedlock... i wont ever tell her to get married if she doesnt want. Ive given this advice, although just implied, to a 17 year old girl weeks ago. She didnt finish high school because she ran away with her boyfriend....
I will support her of course... pregnancy should not change anything... plus a baby in the family would so exciting.
ReplyDeleteSupporting a pregnant daughter should never ever be a question Bing. uulitin ko yung sinabi nung isa... "ano ka ba naman Bing?"
ReplyDeleteMapipilitan lang na sumama yung babae kung di sya susuportahan ng nanay nya... at di malayong magkaroon ka pa ng pangalawang apo after 9 months nung first delivery 9kung di sya magbre breast feed.
ReplyDeletehi, there, single. well, not that i wanted to enumerate all the things that have been prepared for the child, and for all the things that were done for her/him, but truly, i feel it is irresponsible for a daughter or a son in her/his teens to get into a situation like that. so, it is to be expected that i will get MAD, as in mad. probably it is but natural to be angry, wag lang magkakasala dahil sa anger he he. after learning to accept what happened, with God's help, i will be able to forgive. but forgiveness is also a process and i cant really tell how long it will take to forgive. but as to being there for my child, i will do that. i believe that it is a parent's responsibility, too. 'being there' can take many forms actually.
ReplyDeleteha ha techguy. oh, yes, nagmahal ako, pero nagtapos ako ng pag-aaral ha ha i think di dapat gawing dahilan yang pagmamahal dahil mas higit na pagmamahal ang matutong magpigil at unahin ang mga bagay na mas mahalaga. para rin yang yung talamak na kasabihang 'tao lamang ako'. di acceptable na rason sa akin.
hi, leah. i dont know how the 17 to 19 year old teens can support themselves. well, kung me trabaho na, maaari, pero hanggang saan? surely they will be needing their parents' or their siblings' support.
naaliw naman ako, mon. affected ka, a. ha ha ha dont get your girl preggie, ha? :-D ha ha
to get married, mon, just because you got yourself preggie or you got a girl preggie is not a viable decision, i guess.
as to supporting your child, what if kung ang sitwasyon ay ganito: iginagapang lang ng magulang ang pag-aaral ng anak at ang karagdagang supling ay tiyak na lalong magbabaon sa kanila sa hirap? it depends actually, mon. you cannot entirely hate parents who decides not to support a child who got irresponsible. they have every right to feel betrayed. now, if the parents can support (or anybody who stands as a guardian), they can do nothing but to do what is necessary - it is like you are being held at gunpoint. :-)
I've seen this happen with friends and boy it does shatter the girl's life. The issue of marriage is more often than not left with the couple. Parents can insist on marriage to satisfy their religious and moral convictions but here in Canada, a common law relationship is being recognized by the govt.
ReplyDeleteNormally, the family of the boy that offers support to the baby in terms of taking care of the baby. The boy continues schooling and tHe girl quits school for a year and resumes when the baby is old enough for day care. Without family support from both sides, it will be a big tragedy :(
it can really shatter their lives, bw. what if the boy's family cannot afford, too? a big, big tragedy indeed.
ReplyDeletehi kyels! i salvaged your comment from the spam collections :-D so here's my reply:
ReplyDeletesex education really needs to be considered, and seriously. it is best that they know what will happen, and when it could possibly happen. if a parent underwent situations similar to this, then she/he can impart the drawbacks. and even if the parents had not experienced, i strongly suggest that they had to assist the schools educating their children about sex, premarital sex, relationships, etc. this can be done in a way not to shock the children. casually, a parent can impart something like 'that girl must be ignorant that during puberty stage, the libido is on the rise' when watching a tv series about young mothers, or hearing a young neighbor getting pregnant.
actually, i dont pretend to be an expert. but i think education can really play a big part. :-D thanks for sharing your thoughts, kyels. it matters.
Even as a father, I have always lived in fear of this. My wife and I have tried to instill a solid foundation in our children regarding making the right choices in life. But we can't be always looking over their shoulders. Just pray that things will go right and our efforts will not be in vain.
ReplyDeleteOf course, Bingskee. 100%. =)
ReplyDeleteHow? I've always believed that one thing great about being a Filipino is our strong sense of family. No one is a burden moreso if that someone is a family member.
Thanks for the post, Bingskee. It made me think. Seriously.
Additionally, the social system here also makes a difference. I know a signle mom in her early twenties who sought the help of social services. They housed her and the kid at an apartment close to the govt day care and just a couple of blocks away from a college. She goes to school and leaves the kid at day care. She is provided an allowance by the govt as well. Problem is if her schooling stops, the govt wont support her any longer. Because health care here is free, it is one problem taken out of the way. She should be graduating in a couple of years from now and hopefully get back on track with her ambition. :)
ReplyDeleteEven though I'm still single I know how hard it is for parents to see their daughter get pregnant or their son getting a girl a pregnant. Though they still care and support their son or daughter, you can see the disappointment in their faces. It's something that I can't bear to see in my parents' face. That's why I promised myself that they'll never get that from me ever.
ReplyDeleteI also have a daughter and sana wag dumating sa ganung point. But in case one thing for sure "may nanay syang babalikan."
ReplyDeleteO sige panalo ka na... hehehe
ReplyDeletePS you know what i really love about your blog... uhm... normally I would say po and opo to older people (even those a year older than I am) but with you i can talk to you like you are my age. you are cool.
ReplyDeletejust like what a friend told me, bayi, constant communication, or closeness and openness between parents and children, is not a guarante. been praying always, bayi. :-D
ReplyDeletenapakabait mong parent, mr houseband, i salute you. you're always welcome, so glad i shared this. i know parents who cared much will be considering this. :-)
there are also social services in the Philippines, but the funds are not enough for the growing number of girls getting pregnant at an early age. it's a good thing, bw, that there are hospitals where the doctors offer their counseling, and assistance, free.
not so many young girls can make promises like that, verns. your parents are blessed. keep the good work!
ang maganda sa mga Pilipino, naroon parati ang mga magulang kahit ano ang mangyari lalo na at kayang-kaya sumuporta. there is one disadvantage though, ann, the children tend to abuse, or are we parents teaching them to take advantage of our benevolence?
there is no argument, actually, mon. i am just giving my opinion. thank you. ;-)
I am not a parent yet. But i guess that the best way is to teach them the right values (or the values we want them to follow) while they are still young. And pray for them too.
ReplyDeleteI've seen young people wasting opportunities. I've seen parents tolerating the misdeeds of their children. I've seen good children turned bad adults.
We can go so far with guidance and values when bringing up our children but cosequences resulting from mistakes made by immature minds happens...ika nga ng Nanay ko nuon sa akin...uhurmph..ubo..ubo(nasamid!) nuong una akong "nagkamali", "Anak, panindigan mo ang mga responsibilidad na (dahil sa ka-utugan mo) darating sa buhay mo at huwag mong talikuran, biyaya iyan ng diyos kaya tutulungan ka niyang palagi sa mga panga-ngailangan mo!... Huwag kang matakot at narito kami para tumulong din sa iyo"...naiiyak tuloy ako dahil nakikita ko pa ang ngiti ng nanay ko nuong sinasabi niya iyon sa akin!...Pero yung tatay ko tumtatwang nang-aasar at the same time tapos panay ang pa-alala niya sa aking nga bagay na isa-sakripisyo ko kapalit ng pagiging isang responsableng ama!
ReplyDeleteKaya nga tama yung Lola ko, sabi niya "akala ka ng akala, sabi na sa iyong walang tamang akala!" ...... Kasi akala ko nuon tapos na ang mundo ko at maghihirap na ako at kung ano-ano pa ang pumasok sa ulo kong mga di maganda. O hayan ibinulatlat ko na ang isang sekreto sa buhay ko para baka sakaling may matutunan ang mga kabataan ngayon!
i still believe, too, lazarus, that parents still contribute to most of what a child becomes. you're right in saying, although some others dont see it as guarantee, to 'teach them the right values'.
ReplyDeletequite revealing, huh, noypetes. una akong nagkamali, so may pangalawa ha ha ha?
Bingskee, Puno ng pagkakamali ang buhay ko nuong bata pa ako!
ReplyDeleteMy son is still in his early childhood, but I wanna be prepared for things like this, mahirap na kasi lalaki siya eh.
ReplyDeleteIf only I can guard him always, pero hindi. Mas mabuti na sigurong palakihin ang ating anak na responsable.
hmmm... walang problema basta naituwid ang mga pagkakamali, noypetes.
ReplyDeletewhen my kids were younger, ganyan din ako, malaya. kung pwede lang yung mga mata ko e detachable ha ha ha. i agree na dapat palakihin silang responsible.
Im not a mom yet.. but if ever my daughter or son is in a situation like that.. (which I would never ever let it happen..) II can't simply abandon them or anything. I love unconditionally... and through their darkest days I would be with them.. BUT... of course they have to face their consequences. I would be clear on that.. I wnt condemn them...
ReplyDeleteand besides you are right.. life is a matter of choice. they choosed to have that kind of life.. then so be it.
wow, 'i love unconditionally'! that's sweet, angelblush. you will be a good mother, i think. ;-)
ReplyDeleteFirst reaction syempre madidisappoint. But as a mother, I'm sure lalambot ang puso and would still support them in any possible way. BUT...I won't ever get them married unless they are stable and ready. Di yun solusyon. Kahit pa lalaki ang akin at sinasabing walang tao, still no to marriage. When the time is right, baka ako pa mag-plan ng weedding.
ReplyDeletei agree, too, that getting them married is not the solution. ano ang gagawin ng mga bat, magbabahay-bahayan? ha ha but that is commendable of you, mitch, to be saying you might even plan for the wedding when the time is right. :-)
ReplyDelete