She had gone her way to help us in our times of need and especially when Papa died. - the fifth sentence of my 23rd post.
She would always remind us how indebted we are to her. This is not assassinating her character but my aunt is like that – helping, giving financial assistance and at the same time hurling words that would knife you in pieces. But that is just she.
When will a person in need have the right to retaliate, with words, too? No chance for beggars to grumble but to grumble within. When a person is in dire need, he or she would just swallow the bitterness of the situation, and swallow everything including the fish bones.
But when I started to work and earn money, I began to understand her. Life is not that easy. The responsibility one has to feed one’s self and others is tiring sometimes because everything heavy seems all that is to be encountered – from being heavily-laden to being heavy-hearted. And each day you wish you will become a heavy hitter someday to accommodate all the concerns.
She definitely did not go abroad for herself alone. She went to a far away land for her dreams to help. She desired that her siblings and their families would do something valuable to uplift their conditions with the considerable help that comes from her. Some she had helped became successful and some remained in the same situation. Some she adored and became her favorite and some she hated because of one or two reasons, one of which is being a burden all throughout.
She did not tell me those because we were not close. We seldom met before but I could identify with the circumstances. She spoke her mind most of the time because she was frustrated and felt helpless. And maybe hopeless, too, for these people - who just wanted to be burdens, and to be dependent all their lives.
I revere her for being courageous living alone in an alien city, and for giving something of herself by helping. I am saddened of the fact that I was not there during the time she was ailing until her death. All because we did not become close. All because I was infused with ideas that obliterated her good side.
This is a tag I came across Slim Whale’s blog. Taking the challenge is more than a challenge. I have to hark back to the lonely death of my Aunt Estella.
She would always remind us how indebted we are to her. This is not assassinating her character but my aunt is like that – helping, giving financial assistance and at the same time hurling words that would knife you in pieces. But that is just she.
When will a person in need have the right to retaliate, with words, too? No chance for beggars to grumble but to grumble within. When a person is in dire need, he or she would just swallow the bitterness of the situation, and swallow everything including the fish bones.
But when I started to work and earn money, I began to understand her. Life is not that easy. The responsibility one has to feed one’s self and others is tiring sometimes because everything heavy seems all that is to be encountered – from being heavily-laden to being heavy-hearted. And each day you wish you will become a heavy hitter someday to accommodate all the concerns.
She definitely did not go abroad for herself alone. She went to a far away land for her dreams to help. She desired that her siblings and their families would do something valuable to uplift their conditions with the considerable help that comes from her. Some she had helped became successful and some remained in the same situation. Some she adored and became her favorite and some she hated because of one or two reasons, one of which is being a burden all throughout.
She did not tell me those because we were not close. We seldom met before but I could identify with the circumstances. She spoke her mind most of the time because she was frustrated and felt helpless. And maybe hopeless, too, for these people - who just wanted to be burdens, and to be dependent all their lives.
I revere her for being courageous living alone in an alien city, and for giving something of herself by helping. I am saddened of the fact that I was not there during the time she was ailing until her death. All because we did not become close. All because I was infused with ideas that obliterated her good side.
This is a tag I came across Slim Whale’s blog. Taking the challenge is more than a challenge. I have to hark back to the lonely death of my Aunt Estella.
hi bing.
ReplyDeleteoff topic... i'm now blogging here...
www.jovefrancisco.com
condolences po..reading your description of her, she seems to had been a strong, and ultimately noble, woman.
ReplyDelete@ jove - okidoke!
ReplyDelete@ corsarius - she died last february pa. very strong indeed.
@ ka webspy - mustamos?? naka-relate ka rin pala dito sa post na ito. minsan itinatago lang nila ang tunay nilang katauhan. maybe they dont want to be identified as weak. a facade that most of the time is misunderstood.
I was raised (or should I say we raised her???) by a grandmother who was like you aunt... she gave a lot of herself BUT she could really hurt you with her words... Oh I mean really really hurt!!!
ReplyDeleteOftentimes people forget the good you did and only remember the hurtful words.
I did not understand her when I was younger but I began to appreciate her after understanding all her woundedness, on where all the "bad" things were coming from. I figured that it all boils down to feeling unloved and unappreciated for all the efforts. There came a point when she was almost like living dead-- she was breathing, she could chew but she could not move nor talk... it was really pitiful but i asked the Lord not to take her until she has finally felt loved by her family. I took care of her for 2 years... I could have taken care of her longer, she deserved it BUT i guess the Lord finally took her because she already finally felt loved, really LOVED!
It is almost all souls' day! I pray that your aunt has reaped the reward for all her good deeds and that it is her deeds and NOT her words that remain in the memory of those she has left behind... ME--I know my Lola is also happy where she is now!
i hope she is at peace wherever she is now, beth. i cannot speak for the others but for me, i had forgiven her of all the wrong she did intentionally or unintentionally. besides, we owe a lot to her. i could have given my service to her in her last days but circumstances did not allow because she was in New York.
ReplyDeleteso you finally found the time to do the tag. sorry it had to resurrect a painful memory. this sounded more like a eulogy to her. sad that you never got to be close enough to really know what her heart whispered deep down.
ReplyDeleteMabuhay ka, parent advocate of education! Please check out Manila Bulletin halloween issue, the Pinoy Teachers Network was featured there *wink*
ReplyDeletehttp://www.mb.com.ph/TECH2005103148051.html
hi, slim whale! no problemo! though i really wished we became that close...
ReplyDeletePTN, i am proud to be a part!
kaya mo 'yan, Sol, ikaw pa... i have a strong belief in you. God is only a prayer away. i know now what it is that my aunt had gone through all her life. her morbid death had so affected me that it kept me awake late at nights. it lasted matagal din. i cant cry but i was feeling remorse, mas mahirap pala iyon.
ReplyDelete