CrAzY BoNe

Because the holiday was moved to November 28 which is equivalent to a no-work day, Papsie and I went to Lipa, Batangas early Sunday morning. We were invited by E, a classmate who missed the Philippines so much and decided to stay in the country with wife T and two handsome kids after living and working in New York City. They have a nice place in Barangay Rizal and he is into the hog raising business.

We had with us my brother-in-law and thanks to his excellent skill in tracing places, we were there not so late but only 30 minutes delayed. Another classmate was there, too, with his wife and a daughter. Kuya C, our classmate’s older brother, and his helpers, were there and took time broiling the big chunks of liempo, the tilapia and the stuffed bangus, the mussels and the super délicieux tuna belly. Papsie and I brought a 3.75 L and 1.5 L Tres Cepas.

The simple revel started at about 9am with breaks in between because we have to go to the other houses to eat – typical rural celebration of fiestas. Then the drinking session continued after eating then interrupted again to eat again!

Anyway, aside from the mouthwatering food that I would treasure, the wacky exchange of stories and opinions really drove everyone into fits of laughter. They vary from nonsensical to sensible topics. I don’t know if it’s the liquor but I was laughing the whole time and really enjoying.

• Would you prefer convenience over quality for sex? If you were to choose where to put your sex organ, where would you like it placed? Then E replied that if it is on one of everybody’s fingers, he would shake hands with all the lovely and sexy girls. I thought - where is the challenge in that?
• Kuya C hates their mother every time she tells the neighborhood the story that when they get drunk, she would take off her panty and wipe it on the drunken son’s face. Where did that wacko who advised Inang get the idea that a used panty could reduce booze effect? “Don’t give me that bull, Inang! Who would want a panty? Give a drunk some respect, too!” went his tirade.
• A female organ as agreed by all the men in the group gets slack after its repeated use. I begged to disagree and stuck with my point of view that it gets loose only after birth because it is elastic. The discussion about this was lengthy and I could not persuade them that the size and the number of penis that invaded the organ do not make it loose fitting.
• In a labor related case that will be brought to NLRC, will it be the employer or the employee who ends up the loser? Kuya C insisted it will always be the employer because of the organization’s racket they call social justice.
• E saw a python among the bushes at the back of their house and tried to shoot the beast with his revolver. Two magazines were spent. The python got killed but when they inspected the body, no bullet holes were found. What could have caused its death, you guess? The ears got impaired and shattered because of the loud rat-a-tat-tat.
• The frequent communication with a son or a daughter does not guarantee that everything will run smoothly or perfectly. A parent would always end being there for the child whatever happens. I couldn’t agree more but we do not tell our kids that. Papsie said, “Walang problema sa akin na mag-asawa agad, basta mayaman!” (No problem with me if she marries early provided that the guy is rich!” Everybody went crazy laughing.

It is so lovely to experience rural life once in a while but I doubt if I could stay very long or live in a community very different from what I got used to. E’s place has the amenities a person would need or want that eat my heart out, except for the telephone. But I feel so alien in this abundant rural place. Oh, well, who knows if I would get used to it, too, with a given situation.