When I went home yesterday and stayed in our room, Daryl’s face emerged at the door. I was lying on the bed annoyed because I cannot find his ID. I have to pay P300 again if that ID cannot be found. Then I asked him if he remembered where I put his ID and he replied no. I must find the ID before school begins.
Then Daryl sat beside me. I noticed how he sits and rebuked him about his posture. I told him to be conscious of how he stands and sits. His height had made him stoop and it looked ugly to me. I got up and while sitting I showed him convincingly how he looks. He laughed at me mimicking him.
I went on telling him that it doesn’t look good on him to have a posture that seems uncertain or unsure. And I continued asking if he is not concerned about what people might say about him.
And this is EXACTLY what he said:
“I do not let what other people has to say about me affect me. I think that if I let them affect me, I would not be able to think and decide on my own.”
I was completely in awe of him, “That’s nice. But you have to take heed of what I am telling you. It would help you look good.” Really, my 13-year-old’s words always take me by surprise. He is a kid one moment then an adult another time discussing things with me in a surprisingly mature way.
The discussion went about having friends and he mentioned that when he was in grade six, one of his friends, which is a girl, became an antagonist. It came to a point that he hated her because she labeled him as ‘autistic’. “Oh, no, that’s foul,” I said to myself and asked him why his friend called him that. He said he doesn’t know. Maybe, according to him, she finds him weird because he does not socialize that much before. He likes reading more than making friends, he said, and that I couldn’t agree more. He continued expressing himself that it is only now (high school) that he gets to realize the importance of friendship, that there are things worth sharing with friends and that they sort of make his day.
Daryl had forgiven his friend and added that he cannot completely recall the many horrible words the girl hurled at him. What is important to him is the present, he said. He is more than happy now.
My son had never discussed these when he was still in grade six probably because he knows I will react in such a manner that he wouldn’t agree. He does not like me ‘meddling with his affairs’. He ‘can manage’ and will be the one ‘to resolve’ things. That is how things must be for him. In his still undeveloped world, he thrives sensibly.
Most teenagers go through that awkward stage in their life, so it's good to know that your son is already comfortable with himself at such a young age.
ReplyDeletethere's still a lot to change. he looks awkward at times. but what is important for me is he is happy with his friends now and had learned to realize that he needs to socialize, or have friends. oh, there's still more to change.
ReplyDeleteI always found it hard to open up to my mom and talk about things that are personal for me. I really don't know why. I was always like this, never telling anyone the things that are bothering me, I'd rather listen to them pour their heart out than to be the one who runs to them in tears or as if Atlas has passed his burden unto me.
ReplyDeleteThings changed when I entered college, I started to have conversations with my mom, and things are looking good between us in terms of openness. Sure feels great!
Smart boy. I notice that adolescent boys get awkward with their growing bodies at that age. They tend to stoop. It's good that he can be that open to you. My oldest son is so quiet and just keeps things to himself. I have to drag things out of him. I hope he will be more chatty when he grows older, as Jhay did. :) My middle guy, who is about the same age as Daryl, is more like your son. He also reasons out with me and I like that.
ReplyDeletehi, jhay. nice to know that you had overcome that trait of being not open to your mom. perhaps the notion that moms can be that condescending affects many of the youth. if the young generation will accept their moms as they are and consider them as friends, things will be smooth.
ReplyDeletemy daughter is more frank and reasons out often than Daryl. but Daryl gives out his opinions in ways you will never expect. magugulat ka na lang, me sinasabi na at hindi karaniwan sa isang 13 yr old. thanks, irene, for seeing him as that.
That's great that your son is able to share his feelings with you. I guess it's up to us as a mother to make them comfortable. I believe if we are open to them they will open up to us as well.
ReplyDeletei agree, agring. first moves must always be with us.
ReplyDeleteit's good that your son share thoughts at an early stage. an open conversation ease up the gap and it is usually happen during adolescence. let him discover on what he wants/needs but of course, you're a guide.
ReplyDeletehi, jepaperts! very true..
ReplyDeleteOur children are growing fast. And as always, there are many things our eyes can't see.
ReplyDeleteSoon, you'll know that your boy has his own sets of belief and principle. And soon enough, he'll challenge your logical brain especially on discussions about life.That's what I have found out with my kids.
Likewise, I obeserved that kids nowadays do not care that much as to what other people would say. but, without you knowing it, they evaluate what you say logically. When they realized that it is for their good, they do the conscious effort silently. Siempre, nanay yata ang nagsabi at siempre, lalaki anak mo.
Sa boys especially, pag nasabi mo na, wag na paulit ulit kasi, alam na nila yon.
Please do not change my link yet. I am still hoping that my webhost will come back to life soon (LOL). TY.
really growing fast,rolly... and it's true that they silently observe. we parents should always be on guard, too. we have to be cautious in dealing with them and in saying the things that we have to say.
ReplyDeleteok, will wait for the go signal :-P
that is also my principle, though i cannot remember if at 13 i thought that way already. your son is remarkable.
ReplyDeletethanks for the compliment, little light. he sometimes amazes me (not that he is my son).. :-)
ReplyDeleteat least now, you already knew that your Daryll has a strong personality at has a lot of patience at his age.
ReplyDeletei bet he can be a very good friend to his buddies.
he has lots of insecurities up to this time, malaya. not still so sure of himself but has strong opinions.
ReplyDeletekaka-impress and anak mo. it's good to have the lines of communication between parent and child always open. the fact that he talks to you about these things is testament to your being a good parent and friend.
ReplyDeletethanks, KU! it is what i have been working on ever since - an open line of communication. guess i have somehow given them the confidence that there's no harm telling me things. ;-)
ReplyDeletebingskee - i find it surprising to read on ur blog about missing ID's. I lost my ID this morning and need to fork out about P300 as well :(
ReplyDeleteAnd yes when i was in highschool, around the growth spurt time, i was hunched. My mom bought us an exercise rower - which surprisingly straightened our backs.
i can still hear my mom's resoundign voice 'don't hunch.. girls won't like you if you do that' I only started listening to this when i started to notice girls :)
hi, will! sayang din ang P300 pesos, 'no?
ReplyDeleteexercise rower? how does it look like? is that the one you fix on your feet and you push and pull?
your mom sure sounds like me he he
Your kid is smart. I'm just glad that I've been through those pre-teen and teen years. BTW, my Mom used to reprimand me all the time because I used to lose my ID (and a lot of other things) all the time too. I swear there's a black hole somewhere full of things I've lost.
ReplyDeletethanks, toe! i think Daryl has that, too ha ha
ReplyDeleteWhat an erudite remark from a 13-year-old. I can well relate to him. I was often labeled as an "autistic" when I was still in school (and even when I was already working)just because I was introverted and didn't socialize much. But such comments didn't affect me as long as I knew that I was on the right track with God and with my fellowmen. Some people are just plain bullies. They utter words meant to put others down, and that for me is not right.
ReplyDeletePeople have different personalities. God made each of us differently. Some people are extroverted, while others are not. I guess it boils down to accepting each person the way God created him/her.
P.S. This is not to say that making friends is bad per se. On the contrary, it's important to relate well with others. I'm blessed to have friends now -- few, but tested.
ReplyDeletei was hurt when i learned of it. it's the past, i know, but it had hurt me still because he is my son. it was a cruel remark to brand somebody who happened to be unsociable but who is very kind and disciplined. but he had forgiven, so, i shouldnt bear a grudge against that girl. good thing, my son was able to learn to appreciate the beauty of friendship though like you, he doesnt have many friends.
ReplyDelete