When Promises are Made to be Broken

I received once an email from somebody. The contents felt more obligatory than sincere. It contained a promise.

Promises are made to be broken. When words are easily promised, they are easily forgotten, too. There is a saying, too, that a promise is like a piecrust made to be broken. That is why as much as possible one should not give his or her word uncaringly. When one swears, it is binding.

On the other hand, though one breaks a promise, he or she will still have that chance to make it up. But it should be the soonest possible time. Or else, ramifications will ensnare you to no end.

People who could EASILY make promises sometimes seem not to care the least. They have priorities in their lives, all right. But they should vow no vows when things are not really doable or probable. They should consider how the other party would feel being taken for granted, or being belittled because he or she is ignored.

What if there are more important things that one should address? Then don’t promise. Please. It would be understandable if you don’t give a word. Just tell that you will try to the best that you can. But no promises.

We might be guilty one way or another of giving promises that we could not keep. We have the chance to ponder now - consider what we would feel if someone did not keep his or her word.

Unforgettable

Way back in high school, I was one of the few chosen to represent the school in the press conferences - where competitions on writing skills were held. I competed for feature writing in Filipino. First, it was the Division Press Conference and I was included in the top ten. Second, it was the Regional Press Conference and I was included in the top ten again. The rules included that one should be included in the top ten from the Regional Press Conference to make it to the National Press Conference. Lucky me.

It was a group of students and teachers when we departed to Baguio, the place where the National Press Conference will be held. It was an unforgettable experience really. I was so excited to go minus the extravagant preparation. Blame it on my naïve notions about traveling because I was never really exposed to it. Plus I was a plain student from a plain family with a plain life. The household where I grew up never bothered about traveling even to the nearest destination.

So I went. I had with me a few supplies, little money, and a few sets of clothes. They were provisions from a hard-up family. This was the reason probably why I had to be treated the way one of the teachers who were with us treated me – like I am a nobody. But I brushed them all aside. After all, I said to myself, I won in the Regional Press Conference and I deserve to compete with the others from the different regions of the country.

We were there for a week. The program for the whole week included listening to Onofre Corpuz and other speakers, group activities, briefings, socialization gatherings and parties, the competition, and the awarding. It got me all excited when the day of the competition finally came. It was what I looked forward to for the whole week, nothing else. I was never even excited about meeting other people from different schools. I was for the rest of the week just waiting for that day.

We were guided to the room where the competition was to be held. As far as I can remember, the participants of the feature writing contest in Filipino occupied three or four rooms. It was Liwayway Arceo, of Liwayway magazine, who was to judge our pieces. The topic was about progress. In the Filipino language, kaunlaran. I had my piece title as Ang Pilipinas at ang Tatlong Mukha ng Kaunlaran (The Philippines and the Three Faces of Progress).

After a little while of forming thoughts on what I would write, I wrote silently, then submitted it to the proctor. I was able to finish my piece shortly. I never was a fan of long articles. I believe even before that a writer should express his/her thoughts concisely to gain attention, not to beat around the bush.

The competition for my category went simultaneously with the other categories – news writing (in Filipino and English), editorial writing (in Filipino and English), and feature writing (in English). I could not exactly remember if there was sports-writing. When almost everybody from our group had finished, this teacher I was talking about asked excitedly what every one of us wrote. My fellow students, some were classmates, confidently narrated what they wrote. They each received a pat on the back for a job well done. I was the last one she asked, or just for formality’s sake, she asked me at last. My answer was a plain, “Tsaka na lang, Ma’am, pagkatapos ng awarding.” (Later, Ma’am, after the awarding.) Guess what I received from her? “’Eto talaga si ______, wala akong kapag-a-pag-asa!” (I see no hope in you, ______!) I kept mum, feeling inferior again for the nth time. This is the price of somebody not well heeled, and so I thought. Still, I did not tell her. “I don’t care what you think,” I thought callously.

Finally, the awards day came, that was a day (or two?) after the competition. All the winners of the above-mentioned categories were announced. Our group was gloomily listening to the announcements as nobody from the group made it, and while we were all listening to the last category (feature writing in Filipino), our teachers, including THAT teacher, started giving encouraging words like there will always be a next time, etc, etc. I had given up hope after the sixth winner was announced, and I bet everybody felt the same way. I was starting to pacify myself from the disappointment when suddenly, “Third Place, from Quezon City…” We were stiffened, and so was everybody from each school from Quezon City. “From Project 4,…” I never waited for the announcer to mention my name and my school. There was nobody there from a Project 4, Quezon City school but me. I jumped and shouted with joy, unmindful of the stares.

While I was nervously but excitedly up there on the stage, grinning, I thought, “It was finally the dirtbag who brought honor to the school.” Handshakes and words of congratulations were many but it was THAT teacher’s handshake and words of congratulations that mattered. I can feel the guilt within her and it felt like “vengeance is mine” for me. When they brought me home, she told my parents, “Ang galing-galing po ng anak niyo!” (Your daughter is great!) What a hypocrite!

Mahilig Din sa Blogs

Ang hindi ko alam bago pa man ako magkainteres sa blogging, ang aking bunso ay nahilig na pala sa mga blogs. Bakit daw ba? E, kasi nga po siya ay fan ng GMA – 7. Sa kakabantay sa ratings ng GMA at ABS-CBN, nahilig na siyang magbasa ng mga blogs tungkol sa mga programa, tv shows, tv series, telenovela ng GMA-7. Matagal na pala siyang lumalahok sa palitan ng ideya at mga opinion tungkol sa mga isyu at mga programa ng sinasabing network.

Hanggang ngayon ay sumusubaybay pa rin siya. Nakikilahok sa mga opinion. Isa sa mga kinalolokohan niya sa ngayon ay ang Encantadia – ang telepantasyang sikat na sikat sa ngayon dito sa Pinas. Nakakaaliw na hindi marahil alam ng kausap (reviewer ng tv series) ni Daryl na siya ay isa lamang 12-taong gulang na bata. Silipin nga natin ang palitan ng kanilang opinion dito. Siya si real-kapuso dito.

Ngayon, ay may sarili na siyang blog at say mo, ang unang topic ay politics! Mabibigla ka rin sa kakayahan ni Daryl talaga. Hindi mo inaasahan ang mga tumatakbo sa isip niya. Hindi siya isang ordinaryong bata na laro at pagsasaya lamang ang mahalaga (na hindi ko naman sinasabing masama). May sarili siyang mundo. May sariling takbo ang isip.

Habang si Kay ay abala sa pagiging sociable sa eskuwelahan (at nalaman ko rin ito kay Kay), si Daryl ay naroon daw sa library at nagbabasa ng diyaryo o ng mga librong kumukuha ng interes niya. Madalas pinapaalalahanan ko nga na mahalaga na nakiki-pag-socialize ang isang tao. Alam daw niya iyon. At tanungin mo kung ano ang priorities niya – sasagutin ka ng “To enjoy life!” Paano ba? “LOTR, SIMS.” Kakaiba ano?

Personality Disorders

I have been meaning to post this a long time ago due to the experiences I encounter day by day with people who seem to be difficult to get along with. Or maybe I experience these difficulties as a result of my own personality?

Anyway, there are two definitions from the Encarta dictionary and from the Encarta reference article that for me, are the exact meaning of a personality disorder.

*psychiatric disorder: a psychiatric disorder in attitude or behavior that makes it difficult for somebody to get along with other people or to succeed at work or in social situations but that does not involve loss of touch with reality
Microsoft® Encarta® Reference Library 2004. © 1993-2003 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
*disorders in which one’s personality results in personal distress or significantly impairs social or work functioning.
© 1993-2003 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

I would be dramatizing the different personality disorders to let every person who stumbles upon this article grab what they mean. The following are sample scenarios for each type of personality disorder:

ANTISOCIAL
(Husband to wife while she asks for money…)
Husband: (curses and shouts) Bullshit! What will you need the money for?!? I had given you money just the other day! You nincompoop! Trim your expenses!

BORDERLINE
(Boyfriend breaking up with girlfriend…)
Girlfriend: (frantically) No! Please, don’t do this to me! I can’t live without you! If you go, I’ll commit suicide!

AVOIDANT
(Mother wants to introduce her daughter to the visitors…)
Daughter: I don’t wanna be introduced. I don’t know them, Mother. They’ll probably think I look hideous!

DEPENDENT
(A 15-year old seeks Mommy’s help…)
15-year old boy: Mommy, I can’t do this. I can’t tie my shoelace.

HISTRIONIC
(A campus candidate, in a crowd, talking to her friends, in a LOUD voice, MAKING NOISE to be recognized.)
Candidate: Look, people, she is nothing compared to me. She is a loser! I am more eloquent than she is!

NARCISSISTIC
(Man in a bar, showing off…)
Man: Nobody can resist my charm, man. Wait here. (whistles at a GRO) Hey, sweetie, want to spend the night with a good-looking fella?

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE
(A woman to her maid…)
Woman: How come you do not learn? When you put this towel on the rack, be sure that the edges are parallel to each other. Also, if the curtain is blue, the towel should be blue, too.

PARANOID
(A sicko threatens…)
Brother (to his sister): (Angrily) Go ahead, tell her everything. Tell her stories about me again. You’ll gain something out of it again, anyway! Squealer! I tell you, pick a fight with those you can handle…

SCHIZOID
Girl 1: Hey, here she is!
Girl 2: Bet my ass she wouldn’t spend a sec to even glance.
(Girl 3 passes by, ignoring the two.)
Girl 1: Hi, nice vest you have there.
(Girl 3 stared, with brows arched, and continued walking toward the classroom.)

SCHIZOTYPAL
(A boy suddenly speaks in foreign language, assuming dominance…)
Boy 1: Figlio maschile! Ne’ ragazzo maschile?
Boy 2: Wha – t?? Speak in English, man!
(Boy 1 walks away, smiling.)

DEPRESSIVE
(An overly depressed man relates…)
Man: Everything is useless. What is the point of going to work everyday? We all die after all.

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE
(A brother ignoring authority…)
Brother: Ate deserves it. She likes to nag. I am not doing anything. Let her do the work. I don’t care if she dies. And please stop bickering with me. You want to be next?

Now, here’s a challenge to you. Create a definition. Without the dictionary and other references.

This post is akin to Teacher Sol’s Emotional Vampires.

The Substitute/s

A woozy man in a bar asked a curvaceous, young woman what exactly her work is in the bar. The young woman replied, “I am a substitute.” “Oh, you mean, a prostitute.” The woman replied, “No, my mother is the prostitute. I am the substitute when she is not available.”

Shot 1

The young woman might have thought that being a substitute is a different thing. In the absurdity of it all, she might have wanted to tell the man this – “I am a novice. Don’t expect too much.” From a different setup, say in an organization structure, this scenario also takes place. Those who were delegated substitute posts think that they are not completely accountable. This means that they cannot be blamed for the unfavorable yields because they are only substitutes. Is this so?

Shot 2

Spoof intended, parents of youngsters in child prostitution should be hailed for the cunning strategy they have – making their children work for them, earn lots of money, and meet big timers who are patronizers of young flesh. Real substitutes. Next time, you see these parents in a luxurious Ford beater, clad in fashion and jewelries, dining out at luxurious diners, or living in a classy suburbia. Wanna beat it?

Shot 3

Our governmental system laced by waste, inefficiency and red tape are filled with ‘substitutes’ that are perfunctory. They were molded to what we perceive as robots manipulated by elites greedy for power and money. They are reflections of the ‘mother’ to which they are ‘substitutes’.

I feel woozy, too, like that man, not because of alcohol but because of this momentary contemplation on social problems, which is not mine alone, but worldwide. Wonder if who among the three: Superman, Spiderman, or Batman, could save us from the menace? Batman, you are my choice.

The Substitute/s

A woozy man in a bar asked a curvaceous, young woman what exactly her work is in the bar. The young woman replied, “I am a substitute.” “Oh, you mean, a prostitute.” The woman replied, “No, my mother is the prostitute. I am the substitute when she is not available.”

Shot 1

The young woman might have thought that being a substitute is a different thing. In the absurdity of it all, she might have wanted to tell the man this – “I am a novice. Don’t expect too much.” From a different setup, say in an organization structure, this scenario also takes place. Those who were delegated substitute posts think that they are not completely accountable. This means that they cannot be blamed for the unfavorable yields because they are only substitutes. Is this so?

Shot 2

Spoof intended, parents of youngsters in child prostitution should be hailed for the cunning strategy they have – making their children work for them, earn lots of money, and meet big timers who are patronizers of young flesh. Real substitutes. Next time, you see these parents in a luxurious Ford beater, clad in fashion and jewelries, dining out at luxurious diners, or living in a classy suburbia. Wanna beat it?

Shot 3

Our governmental system laced by waste, inefficiency and red tape are filled with ‘substitutes’ that are perfunctory. They were molded to what we perceive as robots manipulated by elites greedy for power and money. They are reflections of the ‘mother’ to which they are ‘substitutes’.

I feel woozy, too, like that man, not because of alcohol but because of this momentary contemplation on social problems, which is not mine alone, but worldwide. Wonder if who among the three: Superman, Spiderman, or Batman, could save us from the menace? Batman, you are my choice.

His Turn

I posted a poem in Thoughts in Verses. This is where i store my poems - the whispers of my soul.

The poem was a creation by (Lord) Daryl, my son (he chuckled as I address him this). My son is fond of fantasy stories. He loves The Lord of the Rings, which is the greatest fantasy book ever written by a human, according to him. He thinks that the story is very well-written that it is light years away from Harry Potter. And because of this, he is also fond of writing stories which he does not finish. Well, I told him not to force himself to write. He should write when he feels like it.

There is a story which he got inspired to write a poem. Though he had not finished it yet, this poem was a part of the story.

The Search

(This is a poem uttered by Lord Aldeni. For he is searching for his beloved,the fair Treira Vande who has been lost in the lands east of the Windy Mountains.)

I search for the gift that I have lost

Afraid it might have turned to dust

I roam the broad lands, vast and great

My heart - afraid - that I'm too late

I yearn in my heart so greatly

To find it I shall be happy

Yet if lost forever, oh no!

My heart will lose remaining glow

I roam the earth from north to south

And I walk here and there and about

I roam the world from east to west

Even though I will get no long rest

Til I find this gift I search for

I shall endure darkness and gore

Through the heavens, I'll fly the dove

All I'll do - to find my lost love

Daryl is 12 years old, a second year HS student. He is still a child in manners but talks and discusses like an experienced adult. One of his questions I cannot forget and which was unexpected - "Ma, do you think VAT can help?" I went like, "Whaa...t?" I explained it to him and he was so interested - I really never expected it from him.

What She Has to Say

Kay had to write an article for the school paper. She had the following to say about

BEING A TEEN AND MAKING THE MOST OF IT

Being a kid is the most extraordinary, carefree task in the world. Then maybe being an adult is the opposite of being a kid. How 'bout when you're caught in between, in collateral confusion? And that, my friends, is being a teen. It is not the easiest thing in the world and it is a grueling, blood-oozing task to stay focused on one thing: BEING A TEEN and trying to make the most of it.

When adolescence is at its peak where boys and girls experience a variety of changes, confusion settles. A high percent of teenagers experience peer pressure and their longing for acceptance heighten. It is natural for teens to go through this stage and being "in" is the most significant thing in the world. When I got this feeling that I had to be like all the other girls, that I had to dress up and talk like them, I can't bear the fact that I had to change my whole being just to be "in". Individuality matters and if they cannot accept me then they are not fit to be my friends.

One's teenage life won’t be complete without the circle of entrusted friends. Friendship is a key for survival in the "animalistic" world of the teenage kingdom. Remember the sayings, " Birds of the same feather flock together" and "Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are". Those sayings are self-explanatory, actually. Friends are mirrors of what one's being is like. Let’s say if your friends are into music like Nirvana, Spongecola, Orange and Lemons, etc. there is the possibility that you will also like those. You hang out together probably because you like the same rock bands or the same signature brand of bags or you like Spurs more than Pistons. As time passes by, mere acquaintance develops into friendship. True friends are diamonds because they are rare.

STUDY. You develop your self-consciousness in school, right? But how ‘bout being conscious of your studies? Okay, guys and gals! Here’s a really huge tip! If you want to impress your dream girl or your man in shining armor then study! Girls, don’t wear micro mini skirts for guys love girls with substance and can speak out confidently. Boys, don’t dance harlem on the streets or smoke outside the campus, instead read poetry to your beloved maidens and it’ll surely charm them. Studying gets you to your goal and it’s the only thing that cannot be stolen!

Infatuation differs a lot from love. Of course, when you’re a teen in a peer, where your peers have girlfriends or boyfriends, you will also feel you want to have one as well. That is also peer pressure. In my opinion, a youngster should experience having a relationship so that they can realize that it is too early for them to rush into this kind of thing. When every friend you have has a gf/bf, it doesn’t mean you have to have one also. You’ll know it when you’re ready!

So that wraps up the life of a good teenager. Follow this guide to making the most out of your teenage life!

Czarina Kay is the eldest of the two kids I have. She is 15 years old and is in 4th year HS now.

The Best Position

It is so easy to rouse feelings of disagreement. Just contradict somebody’s statement and presto, you are into an argument. We all run into arguments with everybody we meet that can be from the household, from the work area, from our circle of friends, or from our acquaintances. These could not be avoided.

But at times arguments become expressions of anger. When this happens, the objective of resolving an issue is defeated. We all give reasons to what we believe in to support it but arguments often lead to dispute or serious disagreement.

What could be the best position in an argument? Of course, that you win an argument. I learned that in order to obtain the best position in an argument, one should learn WHO SAYS WHAT TO WHOM. When one decides to win an argument, he should take into consideration the source, the message, and the audience in order to persuade the person he argues with. This is equivalent to saying that you argue as a wife to your husband regarding some domestic concerns and not about work aspects. Or you argue with your help about simple instructions undone in a system of communication she can understand. (You would not definitely talk to her in English when she cannot understand a word from it.)

Also, pressing concerns and state of emotions affect what someone has to say. There is a quote that says, "… Be careful when you’re tired and angry. You might say something you will soon regret." So, if one feels he or she is not emotionally prepared, he should not run into an argument.

And when an opponent, or simply, a person you argue with, goes wayward and is just concerned with showing the whole word that you are no match, stop the argument. Or when you feel that the person is merely interested to verbalize his or her personal sentiments against you, and not about the issue, end the argument. Do not speak a word anymore. As US writer Dale Carnegie expressed, "There is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument – and that is to avoid it."

------
For Adults Only

How important is sexual posture in lovemaking? Is there such a thing as the best position? Experts say that it is best to consider the position to enhance enjoyment in lovemaking. But is there really such a thing as the best position?

Personally, I believe that whatever sexual posture a couple prefers, what is important are they learn the techniques as their relationship matures, and that they are both happy and satisfied with their preferences. It is also important to note that both of them agree with the technique they will be indulging in. Repression of feelings should be avoided. Each of the couple should feel free to express what each other want.

I don’t know with the others but maybe, just maybe, the Kama Sutra could help if a couple finds difficulty to find a technique that best suits them.

Dapat Ba Akong Magdiwang?

Noong malaman ko na may boypren na ang anak kong 14 taong gulang, napuno ako ng takot at pangamba. Nagalit din ako sa loob-loob ko. Tanong ko sa sarili ko, "Bakit noong ako ay kasing-edad niya, wala sa isip ko ang mag-boypren?"

Sadya yatang madaling maakit ang mga kabataang lalaki sa byuti ng anak ko. Meron nga yata yung tinatawag na ligawin. Masaya man ako na hinahangaan si Kay, nag-aalala naman ako para sa kanya:

• 
  

  Baka masaktan lang siya.

  
  


• 
  

  Baka lokohin lang siya.

  
  


• 
  

  Baka masira ang pag-aaral niya.

  
  


• 
  

  Baka mabuntis siya sa maagang edad.

  
  

Siyam na taon pa lamang si Kay noon ay meron nang nagregalo sa kanya ng malaking teddy bear, wala namang okasyon. Hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin siya nalilimutan ng lola ng batang iyon – botong-boto sa kanya. Pero ngayon, mas matangkad na si Kay sa kanya. Matapos nun, marami na ang mapapansin mo na aaligid-aligid. Isang araw nga, summer pagkatapos grumadweyt ni Kay sa elementarya, habang kami ay nagkakatipun-tipon sa labas, may lumapit sa hipag ko na isang gwapong bata. Ang tanong – "Saan po ba dito nakatira si Czarina Kay _________?" Kumpleto pa pati apelyido.

Sa madaling sabi, dati pala niyang kaeskuwela iyon na nag-aaral na sa La Salle ngayon. Ilan ding panahon na nagpabalik-balik iyon at nagregalo ng kung anu-ano. Napabuntunghininga ako ng pasasalamat nang huminto na ito sa pagdalaw sa bahay. Nang mag-umpisa na sa first year ang aking anak, nalaman ko na marami na naman ang umaaligid-aligid. Meron pa ngang tila stalker na sunod nang sunod sa kanya na minsan pa nga raw, e, paglabas niya ng CR e nag-aabang!

Malapit nang matapos ang taong iyon, naramdaman kong minsan na malungkot ang anak ko. Pinilit kong alamin ang dahilan. (Hindi kasi siya yung tipo na palakwento ng mga nangyayari sa kanya.) Nalaman ko na meron sa kanyang nanliligaw na 4th year HS student. Galit ang naramdaman ko sa loob sa lalaking iyon. Imadyin, me gatas pa sa labi ang anak ko, e, bibiktimahin na! At ga-gradweyt na. Nalaman ko na varsity player ang mokong at habulin ng mga babae. Nabuo ang plano sa utak ko na pupuntahan ko ang mokong na iyon sa eskuwelahan. At nagpunta nga ako. Gulat na gulat ang mga kabarkada ni Kay. At nagulat din ang anak ko. Hindi ko rin nakausap dahil nagpa-praktis para sa graduation.

Kinamusta ko kinabukasan kung ano ang sinabi ng mokong at nalaman ko na sinabi ni Kay na hindi puwede dahil ayaw ko nga. Umiyak daw ang 4th year HS student na iyon. Keber ko, isip-isip ko. Pero sa gitna ng mga pangyayari, pilit kong pinapakita sa anak ko na nariyan lamang ako at palaging handang umunawa at makinig.

Huli na nang malaman ko noong kalagitnaan ng taon nang siya ay nasa 2nd year na sa mataas na paaralan na boypren na niya ang taga-Letran na dati rin niyang kaklase noong elementarya. Matagal kaming nag-usap ni Kay sa kwarto ko tungkol dito. Hindi naging madali sa akin ang pagtanggap pero inisip ko na rin na baka makasama pa kung hihigpitan ng todo. Ipinaliwanag ko sa kanya na pupwede ang relasyon pero may limitasyon:

• 
  

  Hindi niya dapat pabayaan ang pag-aaral niya.

  
  


• 
  

  Hindi sila pwedeng maglakad na nagho-holding hands o nag-aakbayan.

  
  


• 
  

  Hindi siya pwedeng umalis kasama ang boypren na siya lamang mag-isa.

  
  


• 
  

  Hindi siya dapat pumunta sa bahay ng boypren niya.

  
  


• Hindi siya dapat mag-seryoso dahil bata pa siya.


• 
  

  Hindi pwedeng maglapit sobra ang katawan at baka kung ano ang mangyari.

  
  

Nagbigay din ako ng sulat tungkol dito. At sinabi ko rin na pwede niya akong maging kaibigan, at higit pa sa kaninong kaibigan niya.

Lumipas ang mga araw, buwan, at ngayon nga ay 4th year na si Kay. Ngayong araw na ito, sinabi niyang naki-pagbreak na siya. Tinanong ko kung bakit. Sinabi sa akin na ‘masyadong seryoso’ daw si ***. Na-we-weirduhan siya sa mga text na sinasabing "Akin ka lang." Marami daw ipinagbabawal. Sinabi ko na pag-isipan niyang mabuti. Sa totoo lang, mabait ang batang iyon. Baka out of impulse lang. Ayaw na raw niya, ang tugon ni Kay, para daw siyang nasawa.

Ang gawing ito ng anak ko ay pagpapatunay na bata pa siya. Parang gusto kong magdiwang dahil hindi na ako gaanong mag-aalala. Pero dapat nga ba? Sa totoo lang, pilit ko pa ring ipinapaunawa sa kanya na isiping mabuti ang desisyon dahil baka siya lang ang masaktan sa bandang huli. Pero wala talaga akong makitang pagsisi sa mukha ni Kay.

Tagged by A Nymph

A nymph with a name Naomi casted her magic spells - I AM, I CRY, I WANT, I HAVE, I WISH, I HATE, I MISS, I DANCE, I FEAR, I HEAR, I LOOK, I LOVE, I ACHE, I SING, I NEED, I MUST, I SEARCH, I REGRET, I WAS NOT, I WRITE, I SHOULD, I WONDER, I BLOG. I then summoned the spirit of nature to help me create something out of them... and here is a piece with verses, intended for the womankind.

I AM woman, then hear me roar!

I CRY seldom, mostly in ire

I WANT the weeping in secret

I HAVE to be strong - for them -

I WISH every person to know!

***

I HATE being underrated

I MISS my freedom when deprived

I DANCE to the tune of success;

I FEAR no one but my dear Lord

I HEAR His words, try to obey.

***

I LOOK around and I see me

I LOVE, oh, the woman in me

I ACHE for ardor if need be

I SING the tune of ecstasy -

I NEED passion and excitement!

***

I MUST accomplish my duties

I SEARCHed for the veiled recipe

I REGRET that I missed some points

I WAS NOT set to the need that

I WRITE vis-a-vis womankind.

***

I SHOULD be a woman, fairly;

I WONDER what most men think, but

I BLOG always as a WOMAN!

A Night to Remember

Family reunions were scary for me when I was younger. Perhaps because almost everybody in that event were strangers that was why I never enjoyed being there. I grew up in Manila and I could not speak the dialect and even if I tried, I sounded like an alien. Only a few of the people gathered in those reunions were familiar, and even the familiar ones seem to be strangers when they start talking the alien-sounding dialect.

My father was clannish. He hailed from Romblon, so did my mother, too. My father wanted us to be there always when reunions were held. He wanted to introduce us to every single relative present. He wanted us to associate and befriend his relatives. He took pride in my achievements during those events – which I was not comfortable with. He talked about his kids so much (the joy of every parent?) and I resented the idea before. I did not understand why we had to be present in such occasions, why he had to talk about my achievements, why I had to talk to strangers, and why I need to learn to speak the dialect.

Last Sunday was a gathering of relatives, too – immediate relatives actually. Among the five who were left from a dozen siblings, only two remained living – my aunt, which is currently residing in Marinduque, and an uncle, which is residing in Ilocos. We were gathered to pay respect to my aunt who died in her house in New York alone. She was cremated by a cousin, which is now living in Los Angeles, California. Her ash was brought from New York. It gave me a chill to see that the seemingly strong woman is now confined in that little urn.

The indifference I had when I was younger was replaced by a sense of joy and gratefulness. There I was again with relatives, though they were only a few of the multitude. It was really different now – hugs and kisses, warm exchanges, tales of personal account and the like, etc. I was there a proud parent of my two children – bragging about their achievements – just like Papa when I was younger. I have to be a parent and live as one for years to learn to realize what Papa wanted to impart.

I am happy to see my kinships. The little ones before are grown-ups already (some have their own family and kids though some remained unmarried). There were little tykes, and growing teens (including mine) also among the crowd. It never escaped my mind if they have that same line of thoughts when I was younger.

It was truly a night to remember. A cousin’s wife took the opportunity to share a verse from the bible, and conveyed some thoughts that really made me feel exuberant. Here it is:

Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
You rod and your staff
they comfort me.

Normally, such gathering where someone passed away will be filled with melancholy. But what happened is an atypical commemoration. Perhaps it was overcame by the joy of seeing each other again or perhaps everybody wanted to remember my aunt as the same person when she was alive – strong and intimidating and not the vulnerable and weak being.

That little urn, that night, they will be forever in my heart… I took the picture that was placed in front of the urn – that of my aunt. I returned it but never touched the urn – not ready yet to face what is for us in the future?

(Oh, my… I miss my digicam again :sigh:)

Standstill

I froze reading that short note in Pinoyblog that Alan, the writer behind Ay, Ambot! closed his blog. I felt a sudden pang within that was unexpressed until now. Yes, folks, I am affected. Surely, his peers in the blogworld, including me, will miss him. Oh, well, I am not sure if I am even considered as one but for me, I treat him as a friend even if the camaraderie was for a short time, and even if he is younger than me. I maybe insignificant to him, but for me, he is one of the many who dared to express his unique talent in writing with a hearty enjoyment. Reading his blog was telling that he writes effortlessly, a natural in his craft.

The first time I came across his blogsite was when he posted Put___ Ina Mo, Bisaya Ka Ba? From then on, I tagged along. And it troubled me that by doing it, I had to discover first thing in the morning that one of the choicest closed his blogsite.

An open letter to Alan:

Hello Alan!

Just the other day, I made a comment in Ka Uro’s blogsite about hellos and goodbyes. It said partly, “Why does hellos mean goodbyes?” And this is one of the many hellos that mean goodbyes.

I was planning to make a list of emails of my blogfriends just the other day. I was not able to do it because of time constraint. You know, being a busy working mom and all. It is late to regret that I did not do it at once because I have no way of communicating with you anymore. But anyway, I am really glad that I was given the chance to read and appreciate your workpieces, and experience the gladness of reading your comments, too, in my blog.

I want to believe that there is a worthy reason closing your blog. I just cannot believe that you will resort to that. You love writing and just recently you were discussing blog addiction in one of the posts you made. It was unexpected. How I wished you did not close it and just retained it for others to enjoy the writings even after you posted a note that you will cease to post.

I shall close this letter with a fervent wish that your dreams or aspirations in life will come true.

Kudos!

Saying hello always,

Bing