I know exactly what you mean when it comes to saying no. I was the one who wanted to help everybody, the one who overextended herself not only to help a friend but to help those who "needed" me.
What broke for me is when I became the the needy and not the needed. Not necessarily for monetary purposes but I just needed someone I could lean on for a moment...guess what...no one was around. Although my purpose for helping wasn't to get anything in return, I kind of expected something because of the fact that I gave unselfishly...and then I woke up.
I began refusing. I didn't set out to decline every appeal for help, it was just that this time, I wasn't going out of my way to help...especially if it was something they could do or get done themselves.
I have learned that if you say no, there is always another person who will say yes, and that is what keeps those feelings of guilt from creeping in. Think about it...people only ask YOU because they know that YOU'LL do it, but if you refuse, believe me...they'll find someone else who will.
What broke for me is when I became the the needy and not the needed. Not necessarily for monetary purposes but I just needed someone I could lean on for a moment...guess what...no one was around. Although my purpose for helping wasn't to get anything in return, I kind of expected something because of the fact that I gave unselfishly...and then I woke up.
I began refusing. I didn't set out to decline every appeal for help, it was just that this time, I wasn't going out of my way to help...especially if it was something they could do or get done themselves.
I have learned that if you say no, there is always another person who will say yes, and that is what keeps those feelings of guilt from creeping in. Think about it...people only ask YOU because they know that YOU'LL do it, but if you refuse, believe me...they'll find someone else who will.
good job! you have realized sooner than expected? it is good to know you have set limits now, Yolanda!
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