I was a favorite, my other sister told me. Papa used to bring me with him when we visited relatives or when he went to work. I don’t really know why it was I. Perhaps because I am his first offspring that was why I was brought along almost always.
If I was a favorite when I was a child, I did not abuse the perception. I tried to be worthy of his attention. I studied hard and he was very glad every time there was good news. He would show test paper results and little achievements to cousins, uncles, and aunts. He was a very proud father. And I was always timid of the idea showing those school achievements that time. During those times, I do not agree with the idea of showing up.
Papa could have enjoyed my company when I was still a child. There was this bond between us two that only he and I understand. I could always discuss anything under the sun. I could always ask questions without inhibitions, which are answered honestly and direct to the point. He was a very considerate father. But I was very afraid to offend him in any way. Maybe I am not afraid really but I respect him very much.
I remember one time; he brought me along again with him. When we boarded the bus, we got seated at the back seat. He gave me a Butterball, the yummy, hard candy, which is my favorite candy. As I was rolling the candy in my mouth, it accidentally went to my esophagus. He was talking to me and I could not answer. I did not make any move or action to let him know what was happening in fear of being scolded. I choked for a few moments. I felt my eyes like bulging from the pain and from the difficulty breathing but insisted on not telling him. After a while the candy melted and the breathing was all right. I told him what happened and he scolded me why I did not tell him.
The bond seemed to have lost connection when I had a boyfriend. I became devoted to my boyfriend and later on got married. I know Papa was hurt because he still does not want me to marry that time. But I was firm on my decision. I know he took it very hard. We never had the same talks, the same questions after that and until the time he passed away and I yearn for more time to be a child and enjoy the company of my favorite person…
I am so sorry to hear about your aunt. Hope all is well.
ReplyDeletethank you, Yolanda... it is really sad news... a cousin based in LA emailed me and he will be fixing everything from the court settlement to the cleaning of her apartment.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if guys go through this, but I know a lot of girls struggle with their father/daughter relationship when a boyfriend or husband enters the picture.
ReplyDeleteIs my father happy that I found someone else to repare everything in my apartment or does he miss hanging out with me while he works on my washer and dryer?
Nice entry. I can relate to the respect/fear issue, too. You portrayed it very well.
thank you, AB... I miss those times really. He is a loving father and now that he was gone, there are times I wished I was a very good daughter when he was still around... you realize things when the ones you love or care for is/are gone.
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