On the way to work, inside the car, as Papsie and I were talking about things, he mentioned that Kay’s special friend asks for a car as graduation gift. I cried a big “What? A car?!?” And as confirmation, Papsie nodded adding that they can afford it because the parents’ business is doing well.
I could not welcome the idea. A car for a gift is too swell for me – and to be given to my children as a gift. Even if I had zillions of money, it would not cross my mind giving that kind of a gift to teens.
Papsie disagreed and told me that if he is wealthy enough, he would give that kind of a gift, too, agreeing to the idea. If he can afford, according to him to give expensive gifts, he would do it. “But not that expensive. I think it is not right to make things so easy for the kids to acquire,” I argued.
I continued justifying my belief that it would not teach a young adult the value of working for something they want or working for a goal. In my mind, which I dismissed to verbalize, what would such gift recompense? Is it because the young adult was able to graduate (even with honors)? Isn’t that part of the package? To finish school and the diploma is the gift? For me, a posh gift is unnecessary. Giving in to capriciousness will only weaken the values that we, parents, wanted our children to learn.
But not for Papsie. He will do and give EVERYTHING for his beloved ones. It is such regret for him not being able to do something about it. He feels sorry that he could not in any way do something that grand. He emphasized, too, in retaliation to what I murmured that there are a lot of kids not having so much and is living to only what is at hand, “It is not our problem if others cannot do it, or if they cannot afford doing it. It is not our fault.”
I resigned with a sigh and then thought, “If I am really, really rich, will I give in to my kids’ gratuitous wishes?”
I could not welcome the idea. A car for a gift is too swell for me – and to be given to my children as a gift. Even if I had zillions of money, it would not cross my mind giving that kind of a gift to teens.
Papsie disagreed and told me that if he is wealthy enough, he would give that kind of a gift, too, agreeing to the idea. If he can afford, according to him to give expensive gifts, he would do it. “But not that expensive. I think it is not right to make things so easy for the kids to acquire,” I argued.
I continued justifying my belief that it would not teach a young adult the value of working for something they want or working for a goal. In my mind, which I dismissed to verbalize, what would such gift recompense? Is it because the young adult was able to graduate (even with honors)? Isn’t that part of the package? To finish school and the diploma is the gift? For me, a posh gift is unnecessary. Giving in to capriciousness will only weaken the values that we, parents, wanted our children to learn.
But not for Papsie. He will do and give EVERYTHING for his beloved ones. It is such regret for him not being able to do something about it. He feels sorry that he could not in any way do something that grand. He emphasized, too, in retaliation to what I murmured that there are a lot of kids not having so much and is living to only what is at hand, “It is not our problem if others cannot do it, or if they cannot afford doing it. It is not our fault.”
I resigned with a sigh and then thought, “If I am really, really rich, will I give in to my kids’ gratuitous wishes?”
It would be doubly impressive if it's a brand new BMW 7 series, no? That kid's lucky!
ReplyDeletelucky, yes! and i hope and pray na sana di ibigay he he
ReplyDeleteWe have the same philosophy. I think something as pricey as a car is not an appropriate gift for a teenager. But I know quite a few people who do and would do it. I think these parents rationale for it is that they want to give their children what they wished they had when they were young but couldn't afford it. But hey, isn't it more fulfilling to acquire something that you worked for. Well, that is just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteI also understand how it can be frustrating not to be on the same wavelength as your spouse, especially on the values that you want to teach your kids. Cheer up. You're not the only one ;)
pina-isip ako ng post mo. kung ako kaya will i give my daughter a car as a gift after graduation? first let's assume that i can afford to. dahil kung di ko naman kaya, there's no point even contemplating answering the question. isa pa kung high school graduation lang, di ko siya bibigyan. pero kung college graduation malamang bigyan ko siya.
ReplyDeletebibigyan ko siya simply for practical reasons, hindi para pam-porma o para gamitin lang niya with her barkada. i'll give her a car only if she'll need it to go to work and would save her time from commuting. but i won't give her a BMW. more likely a civic or corolla, nothing fancy as long as it's reliable.
the other advantage of her having a car has to do with image and employment. given two job applicants of equal qualifications to a managerial or supervisory role, one with a car and another without, it is more likely that the one with the car gets the job. that's just reality.
When i got into college a lot of my overseas classmates with rich daddies and mommies drove BMW's and Rice cars. There an automatic label to the kids who get car's from their parents. I guess the parents should understand that at least.
ReplyDeleteMe on the other hand, used 3 hours every day commuting catching the bus, train then the bus again.
Now that i have my own car, I appreaciate it more and am proud that i worked hard for it.
If I were to give my kids a car, i'd expect them to pay for half of it (or work for it). How else would they appreaciate the financial sacrifice and freedom you have given them.
i share your sentiments. giving a car as a gift to a teenager may not teach him the right values when it comes to material things. things are appreciated more when one has really worked for it.
ReplyDeletemy parents gave me a car when i was already working. i never thought of it as my own, rather something that was lent to me. so when i got married, and my husband and i were able to have our own two cars, we sold the one given by my parents. we gave the money from the sale back to my parents but i guess lucky for us, they wanted us to have it instead... hehe :)
very true, niceheart. as much as i dont want to criticize, i cant really agree to the idea. i could understand hubby because he wants all the best for the kids but the best doesnt necessarily mean the luxury of everything they want.
ReplyDeleteKU, understandable naman kung college na at lalo na if you can afford, but sana naman wag bigyan ang mga batang-bata pa. mas impulsive kasi sila. well, of course, depende pa rin sa tao iyon kaya lang i feel uneasy kasi sa vulnerability ng mga bata especially peer pressure.
that would be a nice idea, will, letting them pay half of it. you are blessed to have your parents. hope to read again your thoughts here. thanks.
things are appreciated more when one has really worked for it. exactly, stranger! bait naman ng parents mo.
i am more afraid about the freedom thing, snglguy.
Bing, I'm sure if you have millions of dollars to spare, you won't hesitate to give your daughter a car when she is at the right age to drive, at least 18, more so if she needs it to commute to school or work.
ReplyDeleteWe all have the duty to equip our kids with tools and things but it has to be always within the rule of meritocracy - show me that you deserve it.
I will not give my daughter a car for a graduation gift even if I have money. I'm just not comfortable. It only makes me worried everytime she's out. Takot ako pag- teenager pa lang s'ya but if she's a college student that's Ok. I would consider buying her a car if I have the money.
ReplyDeleteif i had the money and she's a nice kid, i'd probably give it to her. you know your daughter better than we do. is she the kind who would not appreciate the love and trust that go with such a gift? i think it will really depend on the recipient =)
ReplyDeletebw maybe i will/will not. it depends. like what vonjobi said, i know my kids better. but even if with the necessity of a car when in college na sila, apprehensive pa rin ako. as always, i fear so many things i cannot control. i should start to embed it in my mind.
ReplyDeleteagring, ganun siguro tayong mga babae, 'no? actually, kahit na nasa college na, i am sure i couldnt help my self be worried when my children are out.
What makes children learn to be responsible?
ReplyDeletehi, mr/ms anonymous! that's a good question. that made me think if giving them something posh like that would make them responsible. but actually, kids learn to be responsible in a lot of different ways, there maybe children who cherish luxurious gifts and become responsible with it, and there are those who treat it as an advantage over other kids.
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing your thought.
if i were that rich, i probably would be like papsie (naki-papsie na rin!).:)
ReplyDeletesobra ka palang mabait din, babypink!
ReplyDelete